


Finally Begin

by Panem



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-21 08:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/595564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panem/pseuds/Panem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You saved my life.""We saved each other." Modern day AU. Peeta Mellark just lost his entire family in an accident. He is unable to face the pain of their deaths and after a night of binge drinking and an attempted suicide, he wakes up in a mental health facility.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Finally open my arms wide_  
Finally I let you inside  
Finally made it past the end  
To finally begin

 _The hours we keep, the days we save_  
They add up to years, now face to face  
With you by my side, now I can stand, to finally begin

_-Finally Begin, Cold War Kids_

Chapter 1

He slowly starts to blink his eyes. The bright fluorescent lights are burning his retinas as he tries to make out the shapes of the people standing over his bed. He can barely hear the voices around him— they sound miles away. Like he is underwater and can't break through to the surface.

Eventually, the voices become clearer. "Mr. Mellark? Peeta? Can you hear me?"

Peeta attempts to place his arm over his eyes, trying his best to block out the painful light, but all of the tubing attached to his veins is preventing him. He slams his arm back down in frustration. His throat is dry and sore—it feels like he hasn't had water for days. He tries to reply, but the words are stuck, and the best he can get out is a muffled grunt of understanding.

A male voice becomes clearer to him, "Peeta, you are in the hospital. Your cousin has requested that you be brought to our care at Panhandle Emergency Mental Health Facility. What is the last thing you remember?"

Peeta clears his throat, trying his best to get out what he needs to say. His voice is rough and barely audible. "I had the knife to my wrist. Delly was banging on the bathroom door for me to open it. I'd been drinking."

The man nods. "Well, apparently you were successful at cutting yourself. When the ambulance finally arrived, you'd lost quite a bit of blood. You are lucky that you had someone there with you."

Peeta snorts. "Yeah, real lucky." His eyes are finally coming into focus; he can make out the figure of a short, balding, middle-aged man in a white coat. "Who are you?"

"My name is Dr. Charles Aurelius. I'll be your individual therapist while you are here. You'll visit with other doctors too, but you will be required to meet with me, once a day, every day, until you are released."

Peeta raises his free arm, and pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "How long am I going to be here? And, for the love of god, could someone get me some water and something for a headache?"

Suddenly, a nurse he hadn't even realized was standing next to the bed, thrusts her hands out in front of him, each holding a small paper cup. Peeta slides upwards, sitting up in the bed. He takes the cups from her and tosses the pills from the first one in his mouth and then downs the water in the other. After he's swallowed, he starts to look around. The room is somehow both bright and dreary. Everything looks worn. The walls look to have been painted white at one time, but over the years they have yellowed, and are covered in scuff marks and stains. Anything that isn't the dirty walls or faded white and grey linoleum floor is covered in heavy orange or brown fabric. The monitors are steadily beeping behind him. Each beat of his heart through the machine sends a sharp pain in his head—he seems to be battling the worst hangover he's ever had in his life.

"Mr. Mellark, we understand that you have recently gone through a very traumatic experience. The pain and sadness you are feeling is perfectly normal. I wish you would have gotten help before this attempt on your life, but now that you are here, I really hope you see this as an opportunity to heal and help you get on with your life."

Peeta clenches his teeth while sneering at the doctor, sending shooting pains through his jaw and head; his anger overflows. "You have no idea what you are talking about! You lose your entire family and tell me how easily you can get on with your life. Tell me how to get past the guilt, when you know they would still be alive if you had just been there. Or, better yet, tell me how to get through  
the days where you wish you just died with them! I lost my dad, mom, and two brothers in one night—tell me how to get over that." His demeanor changes, he raises the octave of his voice, and mocks him in a condescending tone. "Are you going to fix it doctor? You gonna make it all better? I'd love for you to fucking try." He glares at the doctor, crossing his arms over his chest. But giving credit to Dr. Aurelius's professionalism, he remains stoic and unflinching.

"You are right. I have no firsthand experience of the pain you are going through right now—but what I can offer you is my extensive knowledge of grief counseling and years of practice as a mental health professional. I hope to do my best to get you through this. You are a strong, handsome, young man with his entire life ahead of him. I want to help you be able to enjoy it one day. Because, the harsh truth is we cannot bring back your loved ones. But we can live in a waythat will not make their lives in vain; I hope to help you realize that one day." Dr. Aurelius turns to leave the room, but pauses before the door and turns back to Peeta with stern eyes. "Peeta—one more thing before I go to check on other patients. I expect you to be in group therapy tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. It is required and a nurse will come by in the morning to get you up in time for a short orientation of PanEm beforehand. They will let you know the rules here and meal times. We are regimented here, but we find that if we give patients schedules, it helps with a sense of familiarity, and that seems to put people in your situation more at ease. The medicine you took should help you sleep through the night, and I look forward to talking with you at length tomorrow." And with that, he exits the room, leaving Peeta alone with the nurse.

A few moments later, the drugs begin to take effect. The nurse places a couple of pillows behind him. "Are you comfortable, sir?" She asks.  
Peeta nods. "I'm as comfortable as can be expected right now. Thanks." She gives him a soft, warm smile.  
"Try to get some rest. Nurse Trinket will be by in the morning to get you up. She's a sweet woman—you'll like her." He watches the nurse make her way through the room; she's a very pretty, young, light skinned black woman.  
Peeta smiles a little. "Will you be back again?" he asks.  
She smirks. "I work the night shift and I'm assigned to your hallway, so I'd say the odds are in your favor that I will be seeing you again. If you need anything Mr. Mellark, my name is Portia, and you can use the button by the bed to call for me."  
Peeta suddenly feels the warm haze of sleep pull him in, before she even turns out the lights.

* * *

What feels like only moments later, he hears a shrill, chirpy voice call to him.

"Up, up, up! It's going to be a big, big, big day!"

Peeta groggily opens his eyes, and sees the woman who must be Nurse Trinket. She is a tall, thin woman with a plain face, who feels the need to wear too much garish makeup and overly colorful scrubs to make up for it. She flings the curtains open, letting the bright daylight pour into the room; it covers everything in the cast of white and hope that Peeta doesn't feel he deserves.

He sits up and swings his legs around, well, leg and a half, to try and get off the bed. He notices that he is no longer attached to any wires or tubes. "What happened to the I.V.?"

"Oh, nurses came by through the night to monitor you. You know, check your blood pressure and remove all of the things you didn't need." She pauses before continuing. "Do you need any help getting your leg on or getting out of bed? Those sleep medications can leave you a little groggy and wobbly in the mornings."

Peeta slides the stocking over the stump right below his knee. "No, I feel fine—I've got it. I've had this longer than the real thing, so I'm used to it."  
She nods and walks away from the window to stand beside him. She points to the door next to the room entrance. "There is your restroom. You have time to take a quick shower if you'd like. I brought fresh towels with me and your cousin packed a bag for you and brought it late last night. Just be sure you don't get your arm wet—we don't want you to get water in your bandages. But someone will have to be with you while you bathe, and I can get a male nurse if you'd like. You are a high risk patient and we must monitor you at all times."

Peeta sighs heavily before responding. "I don't care if you see me naked. I have a sneaking suspicion that both self preservation and dignity have been thrown out the window in this place." He scratches the stubble on his face. "Can I shave?"

Nurse Trinket shakes her head. "Unfortunately, no—not yet. The doctors will need to evaluate you first. You are under our heaviest restrictions right now due to the nature of your self-inflicted injuries. I'm sorry."

He stands up, a little shakier than he had anticipated, but makes his way to the restroom. "Can I take a piss in private or do you need to watch that, too?"

"No, you can do that yourself, but you do need to have the door cracked. As soon as you are finished, open the door back up before starting the shower."

Peeta rolls his eyes. "This is ridiculous. Fuck it, I'll just go with the door open."

The nurse shakes her head. "It's not like I get some kind of pleasure out of this. It's the rules, and you should learn now that it is easier just to follow them while you're here."  
But he barely listens as he relieves himself. He flushes the toilet and turns around to grab the towels from the nurse. "I'm going to turn on the shower now, make sure you get a good look." He knows it's not her fault, but she is conveniently there for him to direct all of his frustration onto.  
She rolls her eyes and steps into the small restroom. "You have 10 minutes, so you'll need to be quick."

He undresses after turning on the water, and just does his best to ignore the odd woman who is half watching him bathe. He's quiet the whole time, lost in thought over the entire situation. This isn't him—he's always been friendly and kind. The hostile person he has been portraying since his family's accident is new and foreign to him; but it feels like the only thing he has left anymore. His pain is making him lose the person he once was. Every day feels like an uphill battle as he just to tries to get through it. He has shut himself away from everyone else he cares about. His cousin Delly was the last person he let in and he was systematically trying his best to push her away as well. His ex-girlfriend has tried to be there for him, but he had no interest in her anymore. Anytime he saw her, all he could think about is that she was part of the reason he wasn't at the bakery that night. Of course, it really wasn't her fault, but the correlation was made and he couldn't shake it. They had already broken up and gotten back together a few times before and he truly felt like there was no love lost when he just let her fade out of his life.

Peeta tries his best to keep his arm out of the shower while he awkwardly scrubs his body clean of all of the shame and guilt he feels. He is still feeling the effects of the heavy drinking and blood loss from the night before. His body isn't used to such mistreatment; he has always been healthy, strong, and muscular. Between the heavy lifting, constantly being stuck with kneading the bread dough at the bakery and spending most of his free time in wrestling practice, he has kept up his body. He's only average height, but his shoulders are broad and he is strong.

His thoughts are interrupted by Nurse Trinket clearing her throat. "Peeta, it's time to get out now. I need to show you around before your first group therapy session."  
He nods his head, turns off the water and takes the towel from her hand. "Where are my clothes?" He asks while wrapping the towel around his waist.

She points her head in the direction of the room. "They are in the locker by the window. I will get them out for you. The locker is to remain closed and locked at all times. You will have to get a nurse if you would like anything out of it."

"You're kidding me, right? I can't even get to my own stuff while I'm stuck here?"

"I'm afraid not. You will have a lot of rules and restrictions while you are here. It's like I was telling you before—you are a high risk patient. You will be restricted on activities, what you eat, and even who you can speak with. And most of all, your schedule is very important. We have found that if you always know what to do, you have a sense of purpose and a reason to get up and do certain activities. It will take some getting used to, but please be assured, this is for your benefit and it will help you. It's worked many times before and Dr. Aurelius believes it will work for you. He has set your schedule himself. He is very invested in your case."

She moves over to the locker and opens it for Peeta. He leans in and sees all his clothes folded and stacked neatly on the shelves. The bag used to bring them all in is bunched up on the bottom shelf and his sketch pad and pencil set is sitting on top of it. He feels a small pang of guilt knowing Delly brought all of this in for him. She has been trying her best to take care of him. She is the only one in his family that came back to help, and he has been nothing but trouble for her. "Will I be able to call or see Delly today?"

Nurse Trinket smiles and nods her head. "Yes! You will have visitation today at 3:00 p.m., and I know she has already signed up to see you. She was very adamant about seeing you today. She's such a lovely girl with a bubbly personality! You are lucky to have her in your life."

Peeta takes the clothes she hands him and turns around to get dressed. When he faces her again, Nurse Trinket hands him a slip of paper. "Peeta, here is today's schedule. You will get one of these every morning. We are going to get you into a routine; no more drinking late and sleeping in—those days are behind you. Not only are we a mental health facility, but we also specialize in substance abuse and rehabilitation. When you are in your group therapy session, there will be a mix of young people, ages 12 to 18, each with varying needs and reasons they are here. We very rarely have children as young as 12, but it does happen. Please do not feel like you have to inhibit yourself in any way when talking to the doctor or the group. The individuals in your sessions are selected for a reason, and your unadulterated stories may be seen as beneficial for younger people to hear. No one is asking you to filter yourself. But, that will be explained more in your meeting. Let me show you around before you have to go. We have about 20 minutes, that's more than enough time to show you the entire campus."

Nurse Trinket quickly shows Peeta around the facility, and it is quite a bit larger on the inside than he expected. It is separated from the main hospital, but close enough to still be considered a part of it. It is a modest three story building that is at least 50 years old, and looks to not have been updated at all during that time. The hallways are poorly lit, and all of the elevators, except one, are out of order. He tries to listen to everything Nurse Trinket tells him about the building and what each room is, but he is distracted by the smell of antiseptic cleaner and the buzz of the dying fluorescent lights. They pass by the cafeteria, but Peeta shakes his head at the offer of breakfast. The last thing he wants is food with the way he has been fighting off nausea since waking up this morning. She points to a door with windows that have metal grating on the outside of them. He looks out the window and sees a courtyard. "Do we ever get to go out there?" He asks her with a slight twinge of hope.

She gives him a bright smile, "Yes, you do! If you look at your schedule, you have outside time between 10:30 and 11:30 a.m. It's very important for you to spend some time outside. Maybe you would like to bring your sketch pad with you when you go."

He nods, "Maybe."

She shows him a few more rooms on the first floor. She explains that the second floor, where his room is, is reserved for patients 18 years and younger. The third floor is reserved for the adult rooms. Everything is scheduled to where the two groups almost never see each other. The common area is a large room with several old ratty couches, a few round tables with plastic chairs, and a television that looks to be older than Peeta.

They walk to the end of the corridor past the common area before stopping in front of a doorway. "Here is where your group therapy session will be held at 9:00 a.m. every morning. It is required you attend. I will walk you here every morning for the first few days, and then you will be responsible for yourself. I will be waiting for you right here when you are finished in about an hour. If at any time you need to leave, just tell them to page Effie and I will be there as soon as possible." She smiles and opens the door for him. "Good luck."

Peeta takes a deep breath before he crosses the threshold, having no idea what is in store for him in the next room. He looks around white space and sees what seems like a group of normal teenagers. The first person he notices is a small but muscular girl with short spiky brown hair. She sits in one of the worn down, plastic chairs clutching a cup of coffee. He's curious if coffee is a good beverage to  
have around a group of overly anxious teens, but doesn't dwell on that for too long. The girl glances around the room, but darts her eyes away the second they come in contact with any male.  
The next person he notices is a tall, broad shouldered, bronze haired boy. However, boy may be the wrong term. Peeta knows the age limit is 18 for this group, but he looks to be far more mature than his age would suggest. His skin is a warm golden tone, like he works outside all day, and looks immensely strong. Peeta is in no way attracted to men, but he knows a handsome man when he sees one—and he is absolutely sure that this person would be considered very attractive.

As he continues to look around the room, several more people catch his eye. There is a small dark skinned girl, who looks like she could barely be ten years old and a large blonde haired boy who is sizing up the room like he wants to kill everyone in it. Everyone is gravitating towards the many chairs placed in a circle in the center of the room, and he's about to join them, when he sees her.

The girl is sitting in a chair in the corner, far away from the rest of the group. Her knees are tucked into her chest, and a spiral notebook is perched on top of them. Peeta watches her as she surveys the group like a hunter watches its prey; it's as if she's on a tree stand in the middle of the woods and they are all game just waiting to be picked-off. She studies each person momentarily, and then makes quick notes in her notebook. But when her eyes finally flit to Peeta, she doesn't write anything like she did with all the others—she just stares. Their eyes lock, and her steel grey eyes bleed into his. He feels his breath hitch—her eyes are so mesmerizing, and like nothing he's ever seen before.

She's one of the most beautiful girls Peeta has ever seen. She is the embodiment of everything he's ever dreamed about, right down to her knobby knees and braided coal-black hair. Peeta Mellark has always had a type: he is insanely attracted to petite, dark haired girls. And if they look slightly exotic—that's even better. And this girl is all of those things and more. He can't take his eyes away from her lips that somehow look so soft while being slightly chapped. Her warm olive toned skin begs to be touched and tasted. He's never been so taken aback by someone before and his mind can't help but wonder what kind of noises she makes when coming undone. They continue to stare at each other, never breaking their gaze, until the dark-haired doctor with manic features steps in.

"Good morning, everyone! I see we have a few new faces today. I'm Dr. Flickerman. If everyone could, please take a seat in the circle." The man points to the girl in the corner, the girl Peeta is inexplicably drawn to. "Katniss, you can remain where you are, if you'd like."

Peeta takes his seat, his mind reeling. He decides then, no matter how terrible the timing, or how bad his situation is, that he is going to do everything he can to find out more about Katniss.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The first person Dr. Flickerman directs his attention to is the handsome boy with sun lightened bronze hair, sitting right across from Peeta. He coughs before speaking in a confident, almost sultry voice; he had a hint of a Boston accent. "Hey everyone, my name is Finnick Odair and I'm here 'cause my girl is pregnant, and I don't want my kid to grow up without a dad like I did."

Dr. Flickerman smiles an oddly large smile with bright white teeth. "Excellent, Finnick! Since today is the first day here for some people, why don't you tell us a little more about your situation—I know that you have an easier time telling your story than some of the others do. But remember, you can stop at any time and you can get as personal as you want." The doctor turns to the rest of the group and chuckles as if he's telling a private joke to himself. "This is a safe environment; we're all friends here." He looks at each of the teenagers in the circle. "And for everyone else, please remember that this is Finnick's time to speak, so be respectful. Everyone will get their turn at some point, and you would want the same treatment. If there is anything you would like to add or help him with, raise your hand. We don't want to interrupt him." He flashes his bright and somewhat creepy smile again. "You have the floor, Finnick."

Finnick grimaces at Dr. Flickerman. "Yeah, thanks." Finnick glances around the room, not looking any less confident but suddenly getting a panicked look in his eyes. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a small length of rope. He works the strand quickly between his fingers that have obviously practiced this motion several times before. "So, as I was saying, my girl, Annie and I are expecting our first baby. It's a boy due in May." His face lights up as he thinks about his future son. "He's the reason I want to get clean. I mean, I love Annie, but she used to use with me, so there was never a reason to quit before. She's been great though, as soon as she found out she was pregnant, she stopped cold turkey. I've never seen anything like it. She's so strong—she just walked away. She's the one that suggested I come here since I couldn't kick it myself like she could, but, in all fairness, she and I started using for different reasons. For her, it was always recreational—there was no need for her to escape. But, for me, I started using to forget."

Finnick lets out a deep sigh and makes eye contact with Peeta. Peeta nods at him reassuringly, somehow feeling that this complete stranger needs his approval to continue his story; one that Peeta is very interested in hearing. Just looking at the man in front of him, there would be no way to tell he had a hard day in his life. He looks handsome, healthy, and strong. Finnick nods back at him and continues.

"It all started when my Aunt Mags got sick. She was really my great-aunt, but she was all of the family I had. I never knew who my dad was. I'm pretty sure my mom didn't even know. She was a prostitute and I was an accident. When I was about eight years old, they found my mom in the back of an alley, beaten to death. The police thought it was a drug deal gone bad or maybe a John that didn't want to pay up. It didn't really matter; she'd never been that much of a mother to me anyways. I had been under the care of Mags for as long as I could remember. She was too old to care for a kid, but she did the best she could, and she loved me." He pauses for a moment. "And I loved her. She was all I had," he chokes out. He takes a moment to untie the intricate knot he had been working on. The room was silent, while everyone waits for him to start up again.

He takes a deep, shaky breath. "Sometime after I turned 16, she broke her hip. She was 85 years old, and all the doctors could really do was keep her hopped up on meds; but she never wanted to take them, so that just left bottles and bottles of painkillers laying around the house. If I took one every now and again, she never noticed. But, eventually, every now and again became two or three every few hours. I went through her stockpiles pretty quick. Then she started getting worse and actually needed them and the doctors just kept writing the scripts. She was starting to lose it a little bit, dementia they called it, so she couldn't remember if she had taken her pills or not. Most of the time she hadn't and I had taken her share. But, she was always able to get more.

"The summer right after I turned 17, she passed. I had dropped out of high school, but got my GED so I could go to work at the docks. Oxycontin is extremely easy to get, especially from some of the other stevedores I worked with. For the next few months I just worked, got high, and partied. And it was pretty good for a while—then I met Annie. She's a few years older than me and was a waitress at a bar I used to go to. She knew I was underage, but I flashed her a smile and hooked up with her a couple times, then she never carded me." He smiles, and Peeta can see the look in his eyes that says he's remembering a particular hook up.

"She'd take the pills with me, but she just did it because she liked the high and I just wanted to forget everything that happened in my life before I met her. But, all of that stopped the second she found out she was pregnant. She completely changed and she wasn't going to take my shit anymore. It's the best thing that ever happened to us. This whole thing is making me hopeful again. This is the first time I have ever wanted to be clean. It's the first time I ever wanted to live. This kid has already saved my life, and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I take care of it." He wipes away the few tears that have slipped out of the corner of his eyes and fallen down his cheeks.

"We moved here about two weeks ago from Boston, and I have a job lined up at the shipyard when I get out of here. We wanted a fresh start and the sun here just felt like it was just what we needed." He tucks the rope back into his shirt pocket. "That's  
it—that's my story."

Peeta leans forward and pats Finnick on the knee a couple of times. He's unsure why he feels so comfortable around him, but he felt the need to let him know that he cares. Peeta quickly realizes this is the first thing he's done in months that felt like the old him. His thoughts are halted when he looks over Finnick's shoulder to see Katniss scribbling furiously into her notebook. Peeta can't help the half-smile that forms on his face, causing the dimple on his right cheek to show, when he sees her lost in concentration with her tongue poking out of her mouth. Peeta catches Finnick's attention and nods his head in her direction. Finnick turns around in his seat and they both look at her for a second and smile. She stops writing and looks up; it's obvious she realizes she's been caught.

Peeta wasn't the only one that noticed her writing; the large blonde haired boy squints his eyes and then a look of rage washes over his face. He directs his angry eyes towards Dr. Flickerman and points his finger at Katniss. "What the hell is she writing?"

Katniss quickly turns her head in his direction, causing her braid to whip around; Peeta's breath catches at the sight. He watches as she tries to grab her notebook, but it has already fallen on the floor. Peeta, using speed he forgot that he had, jumps up and runs over to help her pick up the papers. She scowls at him and yanks the pages from his hands, ignoring his aid. She goes back to her seat and slides her pen behind her ear before reorganizing all of the papers back in notebook, then clutches the book to her chest. Peeta watches as she shuts her eyes tightly, her long eyelashes pressing against the smooth skin of her cheeks, and whispers something to herself; she begins to gently rock back and forth in her chair.

Peeta stands there at a loss, not knowing what to say or do—which is very rare for him. He can't explain why, but he wants nothing more than to just pick her up into his arms and soothe her until she calms down. But he can't. Frustrated with himself, he turns away from her and sees the large boy still pointing and making an expectant face at Dr. Flickerman. The angry, nosy boy sputters, still waiting for an answer. "Well, what was she doing?"

Dr. Flickerman furrows his brow, making his overly tanned skin look even more weathered. "Calm down, Cato. That is part of her therapy, per Dr. Aurelius. You don't need to worry about what she is writing, it doesn't concern you and it is only for her."

Cato angrily crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Well, if she's writing something about me, I think I have the right to know. We all do. And why isn't she part of the group? Why does she get special treatment?"

Dr. Flickerman shakes his head. "Cato, her treatment here is none of your concern. Remember, you need to watch your temper and focus on things you can change." He looks down at his watch. "Well, everyone, that concludes our group session today. I'm really proud of everyone here. I hope someone else will be ready to share next time and I will see you all again tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. Please be on time and remember to follow your schedules for the rest of the day."

Peeta turns to go out the door to meet Effie, when all of a sudden, he feels a large, warm hand on his shoulder. He turns around and finds Finnick, flashing him a wide smile; his perfectly straight teeth shining and his peridot eyes sparkling. "I just wanted to say thank you for the boost of confidence earlier. I shared more today than I normally do. It was nice to feel like there was actually a friend in here."

Peeta can't help but smile, though it's small. "It was nothing, but I'm glad that you could talk more. Anything to help, huh?" he replies.

Finnick nods. "Yeah. I just wanted to let you know I really appreciate it. What's your name, by the way?"

"Peeta Mellark. I'm sure we'll be seeing each other around quite a bit for however long we are in here."

Finnick smiles again. "Yeah, I'm sure we will." He pauses and looks down at his schedule. "Well, I have 'Reflection Time' coming up. Don't want to waste any precious 'staring at the wall and doing nothing for half an hour' time. See ya later, Peeta." He gives Peeta a small wave before leaving him behind.

As soon as Finnick exits the door, Peeta's eyes automatically go back to the chair Katniss was sitting in—like she's become his polar north. However this time, he's disappointed to find that it's empty. He looks around the room with furrowed eyebrows, hoping she's still in the room, but she's gone. He sighs, and feeling slightly defeated, makes his own way towards the door to meet up with Effie.

He finds her standing right outside the doorway with a huge, toothy grin on her face. "Well, how was it?" They begin to walk in step next to each other, down the hallway. "It was..." Peeta struggles to find the right word, "interesting."

Effie nods her head knowingly. "Have you looked at your schedule, yet? You need to make sure that you look over it every day and remember it—because it will change from time to time."

He shakes his head, his blonde hair flopping around on his head. "No, I haven't looked at it yet." He pulls the paper from his pants pocket and studies it for a moment:

_Tuesday, February 11th_

_8:00 a.m. to 8:45 a.m. - Breakfast_

_9:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. - Group Therapy_

_10:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. - Outside Recreational Time_

_12:00 p.m. to 12:45 p.m. - Lunch_

_1:00 p.m. to 1:50 p.m. - Daily Appointment with Dr. Aurelius_

_2:15 p.m. - Medication Distribution_

_2:30 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. - Reflection Time_

_3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. - Visitation (Reflection time or free time extended in the case of no visitors)_

_4:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. - Free Time/Common Area Allowance_

_5:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. - Dinner_

_6:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. - Kitchen Duty_

_8:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. - Personal Hygiene / Bedtime Preparation_

_9:00 p.m. - Lights Out_

He smiles slightly. "I guess I have outside time next. I'm glad; I could really use the fresh air. I'm not used to being cooped-up like this." He pauses a moment. "Can we stop by my room first to get my sketch book?"

* * *

Peeta almost feels like a free man the second he walks out the door with the metal grates and into a large fenced in area outside; his sketch pad and pencil set tucked safely under his arm. The clean air and quiet is exactly what he needed to process everything that has happened in the past 24 hours.

It's cold out, but thankfully Delly packed his favorite coat for him. It was his father's old peacoat from when he was in the navy. It's one of the few items of his father's he can even bare to acknowledge. He can feel himself becoming anxious about seeing her this afternoon; he keeps going over the right words to say to her. How can he thank her and apologize for what he has been putting her through, when he's not sorry for trying to kill himself, but just sorry that she's been worrying about him? He wishes there was no one left that would mourn his loss, and he could just die in peace. But he knows that she won't leave him. He feels the heavy burden of knowing he can't make his pain stop with death; he wants nothing more than to curl up six feet under the cold ground and let someone fill the plot with him inside of it. But instead, he takes a deep breath and resides to the fact that he must press on; for Delly, if not for himself yet.

He takes a few more steps and picks up one of the many magnolia leaves that have fallen on the ground, and twirls it between his fingers as he surveys the outside courtyard. To his right is a large wooden deck with four round tables, plastic chairs around each one. To his left, there is a small garden; it's bare now, but he can see the remnants of flowered plants and what looks like a vegetable garden to the side of it. Straight ahead he sees an open lawn with several more large magnolia trees. He closes his eyes and tries to imagine the area in spring when it is in full bloom; the thought comforts him, and he opens his eyes to walk over to the deck and take a seat. He sets his sketch pad and pencils on the table and sits down so he is facing the lawn with the trees. He begins to flip through the pages in his book, trying to find a blank page, when he notices something moving in the tree closest to the deck. He narrows his eyes and discovers a disheveled Katniss on one of the lower branches. She has her notebook with her and she's writing in it again. Without thinking, Peeta picks up one of his pencils and starts drawing her as she is—her left leg dangling off the branch, the tip of her tongue sticking out, and her eyes locked in concentration on the words she is putting down on the paper.

He gets lost in his drawing—the fingers of his left hand gripping tightly to his blonde curls while he rests his head in his palm. His left elbow is digging into the table while his right hand roughly blends the graphite on his page in an area where he wants to get the shading just right. Unexpectedly, a mangy yellow cat jumps onto the table he was working on and he jumps, utterly startled by it, a small sound escaping his throat. He places his hand over his heart, trying to catch his breath while the filthy thing pads across his drawing and rams its face into Peeta's chin. He pushes the cat off the drawing and scratches its head as his breathing returns to normal.

"You yelp like a girl," says a soft, monotone female voice.

He looks up, startled for a second time; his large water blue eyes meet with her dull grey ones immediately. He sighs, frustrated by the fact the first time she speaks to him, it is to insult him, and responds a little harsher than he would have liked to. "I don't like being startled. I've been a little on edge lately."

She snorts softly out of her nose. "That grubby cat you're scratching on has fleas. The little girl Rue from our meeting group keeps feeding him, so now he won't go away. And she made it worse by naming him," she shakes her head in disgust, "Buttercup."

Peeta lets out a quiet, breathy laugh and continues to scratch behind its ear. With his free hand, he closes up his sketch book before she has a chance to see what he was working on. "I can wash my hands before lunch." He is quiet for a moment, trying his best to act nonchalant. "Is this your scheduled outside time, every day?"

She nods. "Yeah, I like come out here and clear my head after the group meetings. Dr. Aurelius keeps my schedule the same. I like the routine."

Peeta gives her a soft smile and lowers his voice. "Then I'll just have to request the same schedule."

Her eyes widen, and she quickly jumps out of the tree, without a sound, and turns on her heel—making her way back inside. He can't tell for sure, but he could have sworn he saw her blush.

A few moments later, Effie walks over to his table. "Did you have a nice time out here?" He looks up from dangling the leaf he picked up earlier in Buttercup's face. "Yeah, I did." He tosses the leaf down on the ground and watches the cat jump down after it. He picks up his art supplies and follows Effie back inside. When they reach the nearest sink, he gives her his jacket, pad, and pencils and washes his hands. While scrubbing his fingers, he quietly starts to make a plan in his head on how to get Dr. Aurelius to keep his schedule in line with hers.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The cafeteria is no more pleasant than any other room in the facility. In fact, it may be more dreadful. Peeta is trying his best not to think of this place as a prison, but the lunchroom is making it harder and harder to convince him it isn't. The walls are separated by a chair rail; the bottom half of the walls are old, dark wood paneling that is stained and stripped from years of being wiped down with heavy cleaners and the top part is painted a drab, outdated orange. Peeta had always been fond of the color orange, but not this orange. He loves the color of sunsets and leaves in the fall—not paint with forty years of dirt on it.

He lets out an audible sigh; it feels like this building is sucking all of the beauty out of the world. How could this be a healthy environment for people trying to recover from mental illness? He sees the lunch line run along the farthest wall from the door, and he begins to walk towards it. It feels very much like the cafeteria he had in high school—which only suggests that the food is just as bad. He takes his place in line and finds himself behind Cato, the large blonde boy from his group therapy this morning. Peeta decides to avoid the angry man, trying his best to not make eye contact and keep his mouth shut. But unfortunately, he reaches for the same tray as Cato, and before he realizes it, he's being pushed backwards and into the person standing behind him.

"What the hell is your problem, man?" Peeta yells.

Cato clenches his jaw and points his finger at Peeta. "You better back the fuck away from me," he growls.

"Look, I don't know what you are talking about, but you need to calm the hell down. I didn't do anything." Peeta steps forward, adjusting his shirt.

Before Cato can respond, there is a low booming voice calling over to them. "Cato! That is enough! We will send you right back to the quiet room again if you don't settle down."

Peeta turns around to see a large, middle-aged orderly with short grey hair. The man looks at Peeta with dark eyes. "Hey blondie, if he bothers you again, let me know." Peeta nods his head, unaware of what's really happening, and watches the man walk back to his table.

Peeta gets back in line, still a little confused about both the man and Cato's reaction to him. "You're so lucky that Boggs was here. Next time, I'll make sure we're alone," he hears Cato mumble under his breath. But Peeta just shakes his head and looks at the less than appetizing food choices. Which slop will taste the least bad? Or more importantly, which one won't come back up so not to taste it a second time.

"It tastes better than it looks," says a raspy voice, startling Peeta. He looks up from the disgusting looking food to see an older woman with graying hair standing behind the counter, holding a spoon. "Hold up your hospital bracelet so I can see if you have any dietary restrictions." He holds out his wrist to the woman behind the sneeze guard—over the food. "Peeta Mellark, huh? You wouldn't happen to be related to those people that own the Mellark Bakery?"

He nods his head solemnly. He's gotten asked this question a lot throughout his lifetime and he didn't mind answering it before, but now it causes his stomach to drop. "The bakery is mine...now. My family is gone."

"Sorry, to hear that, boy. Your daddy was a good man." She pauses for a moment to check her patient meal list. "Well, you are supposed to just have the sandwich for lunch, but I'll put the soup on for you as well. Best thing we have." She looks at him with sad eyes. "You ever want anything extra to eat, just ask for Sae. I'll get you want you need."

He gives her a half smile and takes the plate and bowl from her. "Thank you, ma'am." She nods and turns her attention to the next person in line.

He grabs an unsweetened iced tea farther down the line, then turns around and makes his way to the tables. He sees Katniss at a table by herself, and he goes to make his way to her before he hears a familiar voice call for him.

"Peeta! Come sit over here." Peeta curses under his breath, and turns around to see Finnick push out the chair across from him with his foot. Peeta flashes Finnick a friendly smile and takes the seat chosen for him.

"Hey Finnick, thanks for the seat," he says, trying not to sound too upset that he missed an opportunity to spend more time with Katniss.

"No, problem. What was all that commotion with Cato?" he asks, raising one of his eyebrows that lie above his startling sea green eyes.

Peeta scratches his head. "You know, honestly, I have no idea. I'm pretty sure he's just an asshole."

Finnick chuckles, shaking his head. "You're probably right about that." He takes a large bite of his food. "So, what brings you to the lovely PanEm?"

Peeta stops the spoon midway to his mouth and pauses before replying. "It's not something I think I'm ready to talk about." He takes his bite and keeps his eyes transfixed on his soup.

Finnick shrugs his shoulders and talks with a mouthful of food. "You're going to have to talk about it sooner or later, and trust me, it's easier to do it in front of just one person than it is in front of a group."

Peeta releases an exasperated sigh. "I found my entire family dead. My dad, mom, and two younger brothers are gone," he tells Finnick in a cold, lifeless voice. Then he raises his bandaged arm. "I'm having a hard time dealing with it."

Finnick lets out a low, sympathetic whistle. "Okay, shit, I can understand why you didn't want to talk about it." Peeta can sense he is not ready to drop the topic. "Do you mind if I ask what happened?"

Peeta slides the sleeve of his dark green thermal shirt back over the bandage. "Carbon monoxide poisoning. Normally, I'm the one that shuts everything down at the bakery each night, so my oldest brother, Bran, wasn't used to closing up. They think he didn't turn the gas valves to the ovens off all of the way. We lived over the bakery. I found them all the next morning." Suddenly, he finds himself fighting back tears the best he can. "They all just went to sleep and never woke up."

"I am so sorry, I had no idea." Finnick looks at him with remorse. "I know what it's like to lose your entire family. It's good that you're getting help."

Peeta nods, desperate to change the subject. He shakes his head as if clearing his mind. "What do you know about Katniss?"

Fortunately, Finnick goes along with the change. "The girl with the braid from our group meeting?"

"Yeah. The one that sits in the corner."

"Not much really. She keeps to herself. Today was the first day she had the notebook—I think that's why Cato freaked out." Finnick takes a sip of his drink, then asks, "Why, you got something for her?"

"She's pretty," Peeta says simply.

Finnick shrugs. "She's alright. The only thing I've ever said to her was when I asked her if she could hand me a couple sugar packets for my tea." He pauses. "But I do know that there is a guy that visits her every day. I think it might be her brother or something—they look a lot alike."

Peeta thinks about what Finnick just told him as he takes the last sip of his soup—which was a lot better than he thought it would be. All of this is making him hopeful for the rest of the day.

* * *

"So, Peeta,how are you liking PanEm so far?" Dr. Aurelius asks. He's sitting in the overstuffed leather chair next to the chaise lounge Peeta is reclining on.

"Um, it's okay, I suppose. How nice are these places supposed to be?" Peeta relaxes a little bit, laying all the way back on the chaise. He looks around the room; it's extremely cluttered, but a lot nicer than any of the other rooms he's been in since he arrived at the hospital. It has the same wood paneling on the walls as the cafeteria, only in much better condition, and it covers the whole wall. The walls are covered in degrees, awards and certificates, and there is a large wooden desk, with stacks piled high of papers and files.

"Well, honestly, it could be nicer—but with budget restraints, we make due with what we have." He gives Peeta a warm smile. "What we lack in decor, we make up for in top quality staff. At least I'd like to think so."

Peeta gives him a half smile. "Everyone's been pretty nice so far. The group therapy doctor is a little weird, but other than that, it's been okay."

Chuckling, Dr. Aurelius asks, "Who? Caesar?" Peeta nods. "Oh, he's harmless. He's a good doctor—don't let the fake tan fool you." Then he clears his throat and changes his tone. "Okay, Peeta, now on to more serious business. Can you tell me what happened the night you came here?"

"Well," Peeta sighs, "It's been a little over six months since my family's accident and I thought I would start feeling a little better by now, or that I would at least feel something, but that day was worse than the others."

Dr. Aurelius makes notes on his legal pad. "What made that day worse?"

Peeta decides not to tell him the whole truth, but just what he is ready to admit, "I hadn't had a decent night's sleep in weeks and it was starting to take its toll. I have these terrible nightmares, about all of these different ways of them dying; it's like I have to relive their deaths every night. So, I avoided sleep. Then I found Delly's liquor stash and went at it, hoping I could make myself pass out." He thinks for a second and picks at his fingernails. "Well, before I got to the point of blackout, I got pretty belligerent. I started yelling at Delly and smashed her television in anger, frustration, hurt—I don't know. I just knew I had to get out this feeling. Nothing helped, no matter how much of her stuff I destroyed, it didn't take away any of the pain." He bites his lip remembering. "Then I stormed into the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and headed to the bathroom to shut her out.

"She pounded on the door, begging me to open it up. I could hear her crying so hard and threatening to call the police or an ambulance, and spouting out other random things. But I just kept yelling at her to shut up; but she didn't. Finally, I threw some candle holder she had in her bathroom at the mirror to get her to be quiet." He shakes his head at the memory. "I'm pretty sure that's when she called the cops."

"Several minutes later, when everything finally went silent, and all I could hear was her sobbing in the living room, I decided I'd had enough. I put the knife to my forearm and pressed down as hard as I could; starting at my wrist and ending halfway down my forearm." He feels the tears down his face and he quickly wipes them away with the heels of his hands. "That's the last thing I remember."

Dr. Aurelius is silent, writing furiously; then he slides his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Have you felt that way again since you have been here?"

Peeta shakes his head. "No, actually I haven't. I mean, I'm not happy I'm not dead; I'm just resigned to the fact that I'm here. But I don't really have the intention of doing it again. I can't put Delly through that again."

"What would you like to accomplish during your time here?" the doctor asks, tilting his head at Peeta.

He knows the answer immediately. "I want to be myself again. I always liked who I was; I want to go back to the way things were. I know I won't have my family, but I used to enjoy things." He takes a deep breath. "I want to be happy again."

The doctor nods. "What do you think is the first step to making yourself happy again?"

Peeta thinks long and hard about his reply. "I want to bake again. I've spent most of my life in a kitchen; my dad taught me to cut biscuits when I was three years old. I haven't baked anything since the accident, and I think it'll help if I do it somewhere that isn't my family's bakery."

"Well, you are used to keeping baker's hours, so I'm going to add breakfast duty to your schedule. You can help Sae make biscuits and rolls for the day. How does that sound?"

Peeta actually grins at that. One of the first true smiles he's had in a long time. "I think it's great." He bites his lip. "Can I make one more request?"

Dr. Aurelius puts down his pen and looks over at Peeta. "And what's that?" he asks, curious.

"Other than the breakfast duty, can I keep the same schedule I have with the group meeting and then outside time following it? I liked having that break outside today. It helped me clear my head."

"I don't see why not." Dr. Aurelius looks down at his watch. "Well Peeta, that's it for today. I better not keep you too long—I'm pretty sure Effie would have a heart attack if I kept you over by even a minute." He smiles and places a hand on Peeta's strong shoulder. "You did really well today. I think we are on a good path for you. Tomorrow, I want you to tell me all about what it's like being in a kitchen again, okay?"

"Okay." Peeta nods and gets up, walking out the door to a very fretful Effie, tapping her foot and staring at her watch.

"You're two minutes late! Honestly, Dr. Aurelius knows better than that. Where are his manners?"

* * *

Peeta lies on his bed and looks up at the ceiling, thinking about how Finnick was right about reflection time—it really is just spent staring at the walls for half an hour. He turns his head towards the door when he hears a soft knock on the wood.

"Come in," he calls quietly.

Unsurprisingly, Effie walks through the doorway. "Are you ready to see Delly? She's waiting in the visitation room for you."

Peeta has been dreading and looking forward to this all day. Over and over all day, the thoughts of what to say to her were rolling through his mind on a loop, and he just now realizes how upset his stomach is because of it.

He jumps out of bed and walks with Effie downstairs; they head towards a room across the hall from the place his group meeting was held. The room looks pretty much the same as the other, with white walls and faded linoleum, but instead of single chairs in the middle, there are several round tables with chairs surrounding them. He automatically smiles the second he sees Delly stand up and walk over to him with open arms. He rushes to her and throws his arms around her, giving her a big bear hug that lifts her off the ground a little bit. She giggles into his neck and wipes the tears off of her cheeks when she's back on the ground again. It's obvious how happy and relieved she is to see him.

Delly has always been a sweet girl. She has the same wavy blonde hair and blue eyes that Peeta does, but that is where their similarities end. Where Peeta has always been a little stocky and muscular, she is taller and has a softer body. Peeta would never think of her as being fat, but she has just enough extra weight to make her curvy.

They both take a seat at one of the tables in the middle of the room. Delly grabs his hand and in hers and gives it a squeeze. "How are you doing? Are they treating you well here?" she prods, her blue eyes shining with tears.

"Yeah, everyone has been nice. Well, almost everyone; there's this one asshole that tried to pick a fight today, but nothing really came of it. I think he's just crazy."

Delly snorts at his comment.

"What?" he asks, confused by his cousin.

"Peeta, do you not see the irony of you calling someone crazy right now?"

"I'm not crazy. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"I feel like you want me to say no..." She laughs at her own joke.

Peeta rolls his eyes. "Anyway, I'm really glad you're here. I was worried you would never want to see me again. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't."

She grins. "Shut up. You know I can't leave your ass. And, I know you have money now. You're redecorating my apartment as soon as you get out of here. I've wanted to get new furniture for a while, so you did me a favor."

Peeta feels shame creeping into his veins. "Did I mess up your furniture, too? I don't remember that."

Now it is her turn to roll her eyes. "No, you didn't touch my furniture. But I did have to spend two hours this morning cleaning blood off my bathroom floor. So, let's just say you owe me a new sofa." She thinks for a minute, scratching her chin. "And a plasma TV—one that's ridiculously large."

Peeta chuckles. "You've got yourself a deal." They continue to joke around for several minutes easily, back to the pattern they've had for years. Even though they are cousins, they've been best friends since childhood and Peeta always believed that she would be there for him. He makes a promise to himself to never check out again and to be there for her, as well.

Eventually, Delly finally stops giggling. "So, tell me Peeta, who is she?"

Peeta feigns being appalled. "What are you talking about?"

"I know you too well. I know how you act when there is someone new. You would not being improving as much as you have if there wasn't a pretty girl involved. Who is she?"

Peeta stares at her with a blank face.

"She's in here. Don't tell me, I'll find her." Delly looks around and stops right on Katniss. Peeta follows her eyes around and lands on her at the same time, not even realizing she was in the room.

"Oh, Peeta, you are so predictable. What's her name?"

Peeta stares down at the table and traces the fake wood grain with his finger. "Katniss." He finds a smile forming on his mouth, just because of her name.

"Well, she's saying something about you, because tall, dark, and handsome with her is staring at us." She gives a small wave to him and scrunches her nose. "Or maybe he's just staring at me."

Peeta turns around in his chair and sees Katniss's companion for the first time; he definitely looks like he could be related to her. He's tall, unlike her, but he has the same grey eyes, olive toned skin and straight black hair as Katniss. His has a wild look in his eyes, and Peeta is starting to get concerned that he may be an overprotective brother. Peeta decides to stop looking at him, and immediately moves his eyes to Katniss. Every time he sees her, she takes his breath away. She has her long, graceful arms stretched out across the table, and his mind wanders; he thinks about trailing light kisses up and down them, starting at her fingertips and ending up at the soft skin stretched across her delicate collarbone.

"Hello? Earth to Peeta." Delly snaps her fingers in front of his face. "Come on, I'm only here for an hour and you can undress her with your eyes later."

Peeta looks back to his friend and purses his lips. "You know, sometimes, I really wish you didn't know me as well as you do."

Delly has a huge shit-eating grin on her face, "I called it, didn't I? Anyway, is there anything that you need me to bring tomorrow?"

"Yeah, can you bring me a couple of books and my iPod?"

She nods. "Sure, except I'm not bringing you any Silvia Plath and I'm taking Elliot Smith and Nirvana off your iPod. Don't want you getting any new pointers or anything."

Peeta barks out a loud laugh. "I'll try to keep being melancholy to a minimum, I promise."

She stands up and holds her arms out to him. "Come here you idiot and give me a hug before I have to go."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After Peeta and Delly hug goodbye, Peeta walks towards Effie as she waits in the hallway. Once he reaches her, he decides to wave to Delly one more time before she leaves; but as he turns, Peeta sees Katniss hugging her possible brother, cousin, or what he dreads the most: boyfriend. He watches her close her eyes tightly and grip on to him for dear life—it's obvious she is not ready for him to leave. Peeta looks back at Delly and she shrugs her shoulders, and mouths the words "I will find out" silently.

He sighs in relief and turns to Effie, who smiles at him. He is starting to get annoyed with her constantly smiling; the chipper attitude is rubbing him the wrong way and he's trying to push back the desire to take his anger out on her.

"Aren't you glad that you are here and you have someone as wonderful as Delly to come visit?" She asks, her smile unfailing. "You are very lucky; there are some poor people here that never have anyone visit." She puts her hand on his shoulder to direct him down the hall, without waiting for a response. "Let's get you to the common area. You look like you could use some time to relax."

Peeta feels like all he has done since he has been here is "relax." He is not used to this much inactivity and it is beginning to wear on him. He needs an outlet for his frustrations. "Is there any kind of exercise room here or time to just take a walk?"

Effie bites her lip before responding. "You can't do any of that yet. But yes, there is an exercise room here. Speak with Dr. Aurelius tomorrow to see about being allowed to use it."

His annoyance increases. "Why on earth do I need permission to exercise? There are the most bizarre rules here. This makes no sense."

"Well, there is quite a bit of dangerous equipment in there. Also, we have had patients in the past who have been addicted to working out and can harm themselves. You are just too high risk right now. We don't know your background yet, and it can be used to hurt yourself. I'm sorry if you feel stifled or restless, but again, it is best to follow the rules here. This is all for your benefit."

"Well, let me at least get my sketchbook before going to the common area," Peeta tells her, clenching his fists at his sides.

A little while later, he walks into the common area. There are three couches arranged to make a U-shape around the coffee table in the center of the room; and he sees Katniss resting as close as she can to one of the arms of the center sofa. She's sitting the same way she was at the meeting that morning: with her knees tucked to her chest and her notepad perched on top of them. He stands there, watching her for a moment as her hand flies across the paper, and wondering what it is she writes all of the time. Then, he sees the little girl she called Rue walk over to her. He strains his ears, trying to hear what they are saying, but he can't; Rue just talks to her and Katniss nods her head. Finally, Katniss closes her notebook and slides her pen into the spiral, and then she leans forward and places her notebook behind her on the couch and crosses her legs before leaning back. When she settled, she opens her arms to the little girl, and Rue climbs onto her lap and allows Katniss to envelope her in a warm embrace.

Peeta can sense that he's intruding on such a private moment, but he can't look away from this heart-wrenchingly sweet scene. Silently, he slides onto one of the other couches and opens his sketchbook to a clean page and takes out a pencil. He immediately begins to draw these two girls in this quiet moment. He knows that it is probably invasive or maybe even a little perverse to watch them, but he can't stop drawing something this beautiful when everything else in the world has been so cold and ugly to him lately.

Katniss is gently rocking Rue in her lap, whispering into her ear and stroking her hair in a very maternal way, and it's obvious that she has done this before—and not just for Rue. He stays silent, watching intently and drawing, when something causes his pencil is stop mid-stroke. A sweet, melodic voice cuts through his thoughts as it fills the room; Katniss is singing to the little girl that is now crying and clutching Katniss's braid.

_For you, there'll be no more crying._   
_For you, the sun will be shining._

Peeta recognizes the song: it's one his father used to play for him and his two younger brothers after his mother would have one of her "episodes." His mother's outbursts were his family's dirty little secret, and something he never understood. She would change from one person to another in an instant and the three young boys would never know when her temper would strike. He always tried to blame it on a mental problem, but he couldn't shake the fact that she knew what she was doing when she would attack, because the instant she was done, she would immediately collapse to her knees and beg for their forgiveness through tears. His father's commitment to staying with his mother, no matter how badly she'd hurt Peeta and his brothers, was something he had a hard time forgiving.

_To you, I'll give the world._   
_To you, I'll never be cold._

His worst days since the accident were the days he was thankful his mother was gone. But, yesterday was the first time he was relieved his father was gone, too—that's what sent him over the edge after six months of being numb and dead to the world. He was finally rid of the pain of his father always choosing his mother over him and his brothers' safety. He loved his father, he loved his brothers, and begrudgingly, he loved his mother, too. Even with the burden of his mother hanging over them, he and his father were very close. Their bond grew stronger after Peeta's leg injury. His father always treated him a little differently after that—like he was more precious and his father was so grateful he was still with them.

_And I wish you all the love in the world._   
_But most of all, I wish it from myself._

He looks back down at his drawing and sees a few wet marks—he didn't even realize he was crying. He goes back to work on his drawing as she sings the chorus one last time.

_And the songbirds are singing,_   
_Like they know the score,_   
_And I love you, I love you, I love you,_   
_Like never before._

She gently kisses Rue on the forehead; the little girl has cried herself to sleep. Katniss looks over her shoulder and makes eye contact with a young male nurse with dark hair, and Peeta squints his eyes to make sure, but he believes he is wearing eyeliner. He walks over to her and kneels down in front of the couch. Peeta doesn't want to eavesdrop, but he's on a mission to find out more about Katniss and he lets his curiosity get the better of him.

"Hey, Cinna," she whispers. "I think she needs to go to bed. She's really upset. She found out her brother won't be released from the hospital for two more days."

Cinna nods. "Yeah, I heard about it. Her aunt and uncle are coming in then, too. They are going to take them back with them to Atlanta. She only has a couple more days here—so that's good." He pauses. "Are you going to be okay when she leaves?"

Katniss looks away from him, glancing out the window. "I don't really want to talk about that right now."

He looks at her with pleading eyes. "Will you please talk to Dr. Aurelius about it? You aren't going to get any better until you start talking, Katniss. I know this is hard for you, but opening up to me every once in awhile isn't going to help you get better."

Katniss's head snaps back to the man kneeling in front of her. "I don't deserve to get better," she scowls, her voice harsher on the last two words. "Please take her, I can't handle this anymore."

Cinna pulls the little girl into his arms and heads off to carry her to her room, but before he leaves the room, he turns his head back around to Katniss. "You do deserve to get better. What happened to her is not your fault, and your mother had no right to do what she did. Please take the help."

Katniss swings her head away from him and deepens her scowl. She yanks out the notebook from behind her back, pulls the pen from its spine and diligently begins to write again. Her face becomes more intense and she wipes the tears off of her cheeks. It seems that she's unhappy with whatever it is that she has just written because she scratches the paper, crossing out her last line of text; the scratching becomes harder and harder until she's ripped through the paper. She lets out a loud, furious, and terrifyingly guttural noise and clutches at her hair and begins to openly sob.

Peeta jumps off the couch before he can even realize what he's doing and runs to her; he falls down onto his knees in front of her. He wants so badly to pick her up and hold her, but he has to remind himself he doesn't even know this girl; he doesn't know how she will react. He knows he can't intrude on her space, even though he wants nothing more than to be as close as possible to her. For some reason, he has an overwhelming desire to protect her—to keep her from hurting—but he settles on just placing his hand on the foot she has on the couch.

Peeta, being as cautious as he can, speaks in his warmest, softest voice. "Are you okay? Can I get someone to help you? Can I help you?"

She looks up at him with a runny nose, her face red and splotchy from crying; her grey eyes are bloodshot and glassy. Without warning and without hesitation, she completely surprises Peeta and throws her arms around his shoulders and releases body racking sobs into his neck. Being caught completely off guard, and sometimes not having the best stability due to his prosthetic, he loses balance and falls backwards onto his rear end. She falls into him and somehow ends up sitting in his lap, not letting go of his neck and not stopping her weeping the entire time. He tries to take in the situation the best that he can, but he can't believe the turn of events within the last ten seconds. He had been resting all of his weight on his hands, but he adjusts to her being in his lap and brings his arms around her.

He finally exhales the breath that he didn't even realize he was holding, his mind reeling with the fact that he is actually holding onto Katniss. He looks down and sees her braid is coming undone, and tries not to notice how beautifully messy her hair hangs around her face and shoulders. It's the first time he's close enough to her to see the smattering of freckles across her nose. She moves one of her hands to his chest and takes a handful of the fabric of his shirt, gripping so tightly her small tan knuckles turn white. She is no longer sobbing, but her tiny body shakes against his chest, and he tightens his grip.

Every feeling he had earlier, about wanting to hold her and the way it would make him feel to protect her is nothing compared to actually doing it. There is something inside of him being filled—the part of him that has been missing since his family's death.

She smells like cedar and sandalwood; it's earthy and warm, and has taken over his senses until he is completely lost in the moment. He closes his eyes tightly and whispers soft and reassuring words into her ear.

Suddenly, Effie, Portia, and Cinna are at his side, startling the two of them as Effie clears her voice.

"Katniss! Peeta! What are you doing? People will talk! This is against so many rules, have you no decency?" Effie shrills.

Katniss looks completely mortified; her eyes are filled with panic and regret as she looks directly at Peeta. And just like before, she acts without warning and pushes against Peeta's chest, knocking him onto his elbows. She steadies herself against Peeta's leg, placing her hand on it and pressing all of her weight onto his prosthetic through his pant leg; then she looks over her shoulder and gives him a confused look as she gathers her notebook before running silently down the hall to her room.

Portia gets onto her knees next to Peeta while Cinna chases Katniss to her room.

"Effie, it's not that big of a deal. They didn't do anything wrong. He was just trying to help." Portia holds out her hands to Peeta to help him get up. "I think it's pretty amazing he got her to allow him to help. I'm pretty sure it's the first that's happened in the month that she's been here."

Effie throws her hands up in the air. "Well, they are your problem now. It's five o'clock and my shift is over. These past 16 hours have been particularly trying, and I'd like to go home."

Portia winks at Peeta. "We'll be fine Effie, just go home. Cinna and I can take care of this situation."

Peeta and Portia watch Effie as she walks away. Peeta sighs. "Why was she so upset? What did we do?"

"You're not supposed to have any physical contact with the female patients. Not just you, but any male here."

"She just jumped on top of me, what was I supposed to do?"

Portia gets a little spark in her eye. "I didn't notice you trying to pull her off." She smiles, and Peeta holds back a blush. "It's okay. Cinna and I don't mind and we won't report you two. He cares about Katniss, and I think he was actually relieved that she allowed someone to be near her that wasn't Rue. We both were."

Later, Peeta sits with Finnick again at dinner and they keep the conversation light and avoid any weighted subjects. The rest of his evening is even quieter, and less stressful than his day has been.

When it's finally time for bed, he doesn't have the fretful rest he had grown accustomed to. He doesn't have the nightmares of his family that have plagued him every night since the accident. This night, he dreams of Katniss, and he is able to sleep peacefully.

* * *

The next morning, Peeta is awakened to the much more pleasant voice of Portia.

"Come on, Peeta! It's 6:30! It's time to get up and start your breakfast duty. I already spoke with Sae this morning and she is really looking forward to your company. I think she's hoping that you might give her some of your father's old recipes."

Peeta yawns and stretches his arms over his head. For the first time in months, he feels rested. He's actually excited about helping out in the kitchen. He smiles at Portia. "Well, I don't know how much I can tell her, but she might get a couple of pointers out of me."

He feels himself go through his morning routines a little quicker, and he notices how much nicer it is to have Portia with him instead of Effie hovering over his every move. He's actually in a good mood, and he can't help but think it might have something to do with his desire to see Katniss again.

Portia hands him his new schedule, and he smiles when he sees everything remained the same except the addition of morning kitchen duty before shoving the paper into the pocket of his favorite dark blue jeans. He realizes that the dark denim isn't the best choice for working with flour, but he's in his first good mood in months, and he wants everything to be perfect. He actually tries to fix his hair before walking out the door, but gets a little irritated when he looks into the mirror to see two days worth of blonde chin stubble, but he guesses he should be thankful that at the age of 18, his facial hair at least comes in fully and not patchy like some of his peers.

He and Portia walk to the kitchen together, making small talk. "So how long have you worked here?" he asks.

"Well, Cinna and I both graduated from nursing school about a year ago and got this job right after. He and I met there, we've been dating for about two years," she says easily, her voice gentle.

"What made you decide to go into nursing? No offense, but you both seem kind of too... cool for this place."

She laughs softly. "Well, thank you. But to be honest, nursing was neither one of our first job choices. He's in a band, and he's amazing, but his father wouldn't help him with school if he didn't do something 'worthwhile.' I wanted to go into fashion design, but I didn't get accepted into the program. The school here in town was my backup and that's how we both ended up doing this." She pauses. "What about you, are you going to go to college?"

"Yeah, I was. I don't know. Maybe I still am. I was accepted into the Art Institute's Illustration program. I want to illustrate children's books. I used to draw for my brothers all the time, and I really liked getting their imaginations going by making them describe something—no matter how absurd—so I could draw it for them. " He hesitates, wondering if he's ready to talk about this so early in the morning. "Actually, I was out visiting the school when my family died. My girlfriend, at the time, wanted to see it and had never been to Chicago, so we flew there for the weekend. I had been so busy up there, I didn't check in with them the entire weekend. I feel like if I had just called that night, maybe I could have woken them up or something."

Portia places a hand on his shoulder. "Peeta, you can't blame yourself. There was no way you could have known. You were accepted to a very prestigious school, I'm sure your parents were proud. You can't just waste your life away or your talent. It's not doing them or yourself any favors."

He nods his head. The memories come flooding back to him, but he tries to shake them away. He is determined to have a good day today.

When they finally make it to the kitchen, Sae greets him warmly. "Good morning, boy. Are you ready to get busy?"

Peeta smiles and nods at her. "Yeah, I've been looking forward to this. How can I help?"

She grins, her entire face swallowed up by wrinkles. "Well, I was hoping you might be able to make some of those cheese buns your bakery was known for and maybe some biscuits?"

While slipping an apron over his head, he replies. "Well, what do you know? Those are my specialty. I used to make them every morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics used below are from the song "Songbird" and they belong to Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac. If you have never heard the song, I highly recommend it (And have a Kleenex on hand, because it has been known to make people cry, especially the live version. Just sayin'.).


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When the first batch of cheese buns have been removed from the oven and all of the breakfast food has been set out for the last group of patients, Peeta leans against the counter, ready to enjoy the first bite of his hard earned breakfast.

Sae wearily sits down in a wooden chair next to him. She takes the first bite of her cheese bun and quietly sighs. "I've missed these. My late husband, God rest his soul, used to get a box of these for me every Wednesday evening on his way home from work." Peeta watches her take another large bite. "Now it's just me and my grandbaby. I was going to start the tradition with her, but the bakery never reopened. I'll have to take her a couple of these today."

Peeta wraps a few buns in wax paper for her and places them in a small brown paper bag he finds under the counter. "I think I remember your husband. I worked the front counter on Wednesday nights after school. It was the one night a week I didn't have some kind of practice or club with school. He was really nice and always tried to tip me a dollar, even though I would never take it." Peeta thinks for a moment. "I'm sorry the bakery never re-opened and I'm sorry about your husband."

She gives him a warm smile as he looks up at the clock. He clears his throat, trying to alleviate the heavy mood between them, when he sees it's past the time for him to leave for his morning group therapy session.

"Well Sae, it was really a pleasure working with you this morning, but I have to go. I'm already late. Tomorrow, do you think we could make a couple different things? Being in here helped me remember some of my dad's recipes, and I'd like to try and see if I can still make them. I'll ask my cousin if she can bring in one of his recipe books. And, if you're good, I might just give you a couple of them." He tells her and gives her a little wink and a flash of his cocky smile.

She cackles. "Sonny, you wink at me like that again, you can have whatever you want in this kitchen."

He laughs and waves to her as he walks out. "I'll be sure to make something good for your granddaughter tomorrow."

He is still smiling while he walks into the hallway expecting to find Portia, but instead sees an overly frazzled Effie. His face drops and he puts his hands in his pockets and walks over to her with his shoulders slightly hunched over. He's amazed at just what her presence can do to him and how quickly she can turn his mood a little fouler. Peeta has always been able to read people very well, and he just has the feeling there is something not quite right about her.

Effie crosses her arms over her chest. "Peeta, you really must watch your time better. Tomorrow is my last day of walking you to your appointments, how can I trust that you will be on time if you are late to meet me after working in the kitchen?"

Peeta runs his hand through his hair in frustration. "I'm late by five minutes. I'm pretty sure the world will keep turning." He just wants to get through the therapy session so he can go outside and hopefully talk to Katniss again. He's losing his patience and doesn't know how much longer he will be able to control his temper around Effie.

"Being rude will not make your day go any better. I thought you would at least be in a good mood after being with Sae in the kitchen. You're even more sour than when I woke you up yesterday," she huffs out.

He can't hide his irritation from her any longer and he finally snaps. "Jesus, Effie, can you get off my ass for one minute? I _was_  in a good mood until I saw you standing there waiting for me. I don't need you constantly nagging me every time I see you. I know you are just trying to follow the rules, but you know what? I'm in here because I'm going through some pretty heavy shit right now and I don't give a flying fuck if I'm running behind on your schedule." He pushes past her, bumping into her shoulder, and makes his way to the group therapy room. He looks back at her and sees the absolutely heartbroken look on her face. He immediately regrets talking to her like this. "Look, I'm sorry I blew up at you. I promise I'll be on time tomorrow. I'll see you when I'm done in here."

He flings open the door to see everyone in the room turn their head towards him. He slightly blushes, embarrassed by the sudden attention. Dr. Flickerman smiles widely and motions for him to have a seat. "Good morning Peeta. Please come have a seat with the rest of the group."

Peeta ducks his head down a little bit and slides into the open chair next to a fox-faced girl with red hair. He looks around and sees Katniss in the same seat over in the corner. She's is playing with the end of her braid and looks over at him with a remorseful expression on her face. She drops her braid and pulls her pen from behind her ear, her focus shifts to the notebook in her lap.

Dr. Flickerman, clears his throat loudly. "Peeta? Peeta? Did you hear me?"

Peeta quickly swings his head around to the very orange man. "I'm sorry, what did you just say? I just kind of spaced out for a second."

"I said, should we be expecting anything special for lunch today? I heard you were in the kitchen with Ms. Sae."

"Yeah, I made some cheese buns this morning. They are going to serve them with lunch. We used to make them at my family's bakery."

Flickerman rubs his stomach. "Mmm, mmm, those sound delicious. I'm sure we are all looking forward to them. The whole cafeteria smelled wonderful this morning." He sniffs the air in the room. "And it seems that the intoxicating smell has followed you in here."

Peeta, without missing a beat, responds. "Huh, that's funny. When I walked into the room all I could smell was copious amounts of Acqua Di Gio."

He hears a couple of the other patients in the room make quiet snickering noises. Even Katniss has a hint of a smile on her face.

Then catching a whiff of something else, Peeta furrows his brow and lifts up the collar of his white long sleeved t-shirt to his nose. He leans closer to the fox-faced girl next to him. "Do I smell like bread to you?"

She just giggles and blushes, turning her head away. Peeta grins and looks over at Katniss to see her scowl and her eyes narrow at the girl sitting next to him.

"Well, I...uh..." Flickerman stutters, obviously a little embarrassed. "I'll be sure to go a little lighter on the cologne tomorrow morning."

Flickerman makes a couple of notes on his legal pad and proceeds to regain control of the room. He raises his voice slightly to talk over the teens in the circle. "Okay everyone, we've had enough fun this morning, let's see if we have any volunteers to speak." He looks around at the group that has instantly quieted and avoids eye contact with the bizarre man. "Alright, since everyone has suddenly lost their voice, I'm going to pick someone." He glances around the circle and hones in on the small girl with spiky brown hair. "Johanna, how about you share with the group today? You've been awfully quiet the past couple of days. I think it's time you share with the group."

The girl's eyes grow to the size of saucers; she looks sheepish and scared. Peeta is almost afraid that the frail girl could break at any moment. Her voice is soft when she first answers him. "I'd rather not share today, if it's all the same to you."

Dr. Flickerman shakes his head. "Johanna, it is very important that you start interacting with the group. You don't have to tell us every detail, but I need you to take this group session seriously if you ever plan on getting on with your life."

Peeta watches as the look in her eyes go from soft and sheepish to crazed and predatory. She leaps from her chair and lands directly in front of Flickerman, barely an inch from his face.

"Did you not hear me, brainless?" she growls in a deep voice that betrays her tiny stature. "I don't want to air my dirty laundry in front of these people. I don't give a fuck about this group, and if you force me to talk, I swear to you I'll actually become the axe murderer that everyone seems to think I'll turn into."

Flickerman straightens his back and looks at her directly in the eye. It's clear that this is not the first time a patient has gotten in his face or has made idle threats on his life. "Johanna, I need you to back up and take a deep breath. Remember, we are not here to judge you. This is a friendly atmosphere, and I certainly don't want you to make it hostile, and force me to call Mr. Boggs to come take you to the quiet room."

She scoffs in his face. "You want me to talk? Fine, I'll talk." She turns around to the group. "You fuckheads wanna know my story? Well here it is." She crosses her arms over her chest and stands with her feet apart, giving her a much larger presence. "Any of you guys heard of Pvt. Trevor Blight?" She looks around the room to see several heads nod. He had been in the news recently for using military tactics to abuse and torture his highschool girlfriend before they found him in a pool of his own blood. The newspapers never said the girl's name since she was a minor, but Peeta could already see where she was going with this.

"Well, for those of you that don't know, he came back from Iraq with some pretty interesting new ways of getting information from people. He accused me of cheating on him while he was gone for eight months, and didn't believe me when I told him I hadn't. So he decided to use his new set of skills on me. He deprived me of sleep, tied me up for a day or two at a time, and he waterboarded me." She digs her fingers into her arms. "So now, I pretty much hate all men and I'm not particularly fond of water." She turns around to face Flickerman again. "How was that, Doc? Did I share enough? You still want to sick Boggs on me? Because, honestly, I'd welcome the son of a bitch if can take me out of this hell hole."

She unceremoniously walks back to her seat and flops down, then turns back into the timid looking girl she was just moments before. It unnerves Peeta to see her ability to change from one extreme to the other so rapidly. He looks up at the clock at the front of the room and is absolutely relieved that their time in there is almost done. He's suddenly uncomfortable being in the same room as her.

Peeta breathes a sigh of relief when they are finally dismissed from the session for the day. Everyone is silent as they file out of the room. He sees Katniss leave the room first, but he doesn't worry about catching up to her, yet. He hopes her schedule has remained the same so he will see her outside again. He meets up with Effie to go get his sketch pad and jacket before he finally breaks away to go outside again.

The cold air stings when it enters his lungs. The temperature has dropped a few more degrees from the day before, but it's not unbearable enough to avoid spending time outside. He looks up in the trees and smiles the second he sees Katniss in the same tree as the day before. He decides to be brave today and heads right for her tree; he sinks down to the ground and sits on top of the large roots poking out from the bottom of the massive magnolia tree.

He pulls out a pencil and turns to a fresh page in his sketch pad. He's happily drawing in silence for a few minutes before he hears the soft rustling of leaves from the branch above him shaking from the absence of Katniss's weight. He is too busy looking at the branch above to notice that she has slipped next to him on the ground and is resting her back against the tree; she is so silent when she moves, if the tree hadn't given her away, she would have gone completely undetected.

He feels himself start to blush slightly at her small form being so close to him. Suddenly, she makes a quick move towards his leg and he takes in a small gasp of air when her tiny nimble fingers lift up the cuff of his left pants leg.

She purses her lips when she takes in the site of the dark metal where his calf should be. She looks up at him with her cold steel eyes and eyebrows furrowed. "I thought that's what I felt yesterday. What happened to your leg?" she asks him in an almost accusatory tone.

He's taken aback by her bluntness. He quickly realizes that she isn't one to sugar coat something. Out of instinct, he throws the attitude back to her. "I was in an accident when I was little. What was that outburst yesterday about?"

She stiffens at his comment and he immediately regrets the tone he used at her. She turns her head away, and Peeta can see her jaw move slightly as she grinds her teeth before responding. "I had a weak moment. You didn't answer my question."

"If I answer your question, will you tell me what upset you so much?"

"Probably not. What happened to your leg?"

He's starting to get a little frustrated with her questions, but something in his gut just wants to cater to this demand of hers. Something in him clicks and his lips curl into a mischievous smile."What do I get if I tell you?"

She looks at him like he is crazy. "Nothing; you get nothing. Why are you being so difficult with this?"

"You're the one making demands. I just thought I'd get something if I told you."

The crease in her forehead deepens and her scowl grows. "What do you want?"

He thinks she looks even cuter now."Tell me what the notebook is for."

"No."

He rolls his eyes. "I don't want to know what you write—I just want to know why you write all the time."

She folds her arms against her chest, almost crushing the spiral bound notebook in the process. "I'm not good with words. Dr. Aurelius suggested that I write down what I'm thinking if I get too uncomfortable to say things out loud," she answers him solemnly. She shoots a look at him. "Now, tell me about your leg or I'll skin you."

He chuckles at her. "Well, that escalated quickly. But, you kept up your end of the bargain and I always repay my debts." He readies himself to tell the story he's told numerous times before. "I was five when it happened. It was the day my family was moving into the bakery. There was a group of men moving a huge industrial grade mixer; it took about six large men to move this thing. My brother and I were playing and he was chasing me around. We were told to stay out of the kitchen while they were moving around equipment, but we were only five and three years old and just playing around. We didn't pay attention to what was going on. Well, he chased me over to where they were moving this thing, and I bumped into one of the workers. He was already straining trying to move the heavy mixer and it was just enough to throw him off balance. He took one step back, pushed me over and all the men lost control of it. It dropped right on my leg, severing it. I don't remember anything that happened after that, my body went into shock."

She doesn't respond like he thought she would—with an "I'm sorry." That's what everyone else does. She crinkles her nose and writes in her notebook, completely silent. When she's done, she tears out the page. She stands up and turns to him, opening her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Instead, she hands him a note and walks inside.

Peeta is completely confused by this strange girl's behavior. He looks at the note and carefully unfolds it, not sure what to expect.

_Pita,_

_Like I said, I'm not very good at expressing myself verbally, so I figured I would just write this note instead. I normally don't apologize for things, but I wanted to let you know I am sorry for how I acted yesterday. I appreciate you allowing me to cry on your shoulder, even if you didn't really offer._

_I hope you are able to work out whatever is going on with you. I promise not to be a burden anymore. My problems are not your problems and I didn't mean to get you in trouble._

_Thank you,_

_Katniss_

_P.S. - I still owed you for yesterday, you didn't have to tell me about your leg to find out about my notebook. I guess I still owe you one. You're terrible at negotiating, but I'm glad you told me._

He rereads the note two more times. Each time becoming more intrigued as to what she could possibly owe him.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

There is more chatter in the lunchroom today. Peeta notices the energy in the room is buzzing. As he walks to the lunch line, there are several people pointing and smiling at him; he shrinks slightly at the attention. He hurries over to Finnick to ask him what all of the commotion is about.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Finnick turns around in line. "Hey man! Apparently, you're a big hit here. It seems like we have some real food today." He glances over at Sae and flashes her one of his sexiest smiles and wiggles his eyebrows while speaking, "No offense, my silver fox."

Sae lets out a throaty laugh and waves her hand dismissing him. "You two boys are too nice to an old lady like me. Let me see what you two can have for lunch today so I can completely ignore it and give you what I want."

The boys chuckle lightly; they both actually like Sae. Peeta feels she's a comforting spirit and makes him feel slightly closer to the memories of his family.

They take their food from Sae and walk together to a table. Before Peeta takes his seat, he sees Katniss sitting at her corner table by herself. He watches her break off small pieces of her cheese bun with her fingers and close her eyes each time she puts a piece in her mouth. He sits down but never takes his eyes off of her. She slowly chews each bite, savoring it. He bites the inside of his cheek when he watches her lick the oil from her fingers. He's slightly ashamed how such an innocent action of hers can illicit such dirty thoughts in his mind.

Finnick doesn't even look up from his bowl. "You're staring at her again, aren't you?"

Peeta sighs. "Yeah, sorry. Seriously, I don't know what has come over me. I've never been like this over a girl before; especially one that I don't even know, or, to be honest, understand. Every time I talk to her we end up almost arguing, but all I want to do is be near her. She has this effect on me, and I just don't know what it is or how to handle it."

"Sorry, I don't really know what to tell you, other than you're probably in trouble." He scrapes the sides of his bowl. "Man, most of the food here is shit, but when you can get a bowl of soup from Sae, it's fucking delicious."

Peeta takes a bite of his soup and nods his head in agreement, but he isn't ready to stop talking about his predicament. "What do you mean, I'm in trouble?"

"You've been sucked in," Finnick says simply. He wipes his mouth off with his napkin and sets it in his bowl. "Granted, it takes most normal people a little longer than 'love at first sight,' but you've already fallen and there is no going back."

"This couldn't have happened at a worse time. I'm not ready for this."

"That's usually when it happens."

Peeta finishes off his meal and pushes his tray away. He puts his elbow on the table and rests his head in his hand. "You're right. I'm in trouble."

-

"I can't believe how good it felt to be back in the kitchen," Peeta professes before he has even plopped down on the couch next to Dr. Aurelius.

The doctor smiles at him. "Well, that is great news Peeta. So, it's safe to say you got along well with Sae and you didn't have any anxiety doing the activities you have previously done with your family?"

"Yeah, it could not have gone better. There was nothing sad about it. I mean, I felt like I was close to my dad again. Working with Sae, it felt like I was making someone happy, and that's what my father loved about baking the most. It felt like he was right there with me. It felt good." He places his arms behind his head, getting even more comfortable.

"I'm glad that you had such a positive experience. Would you like to continue the morning shift for kitchen duties?" he asks, watching Peeta closely.

"I would."

"Great. We will make this a permanent part of your schedule." Peeta doesn't move his head, but he knows that Dr. Aurelius must be writing a lot of notes from the sound of his pencil on the legal pad. "I spoke with Effie a little while ago; can you talk to me about what happened on your way to group therapy this morning?"

Peeta lets out an exasperated sigh before speaking. "I don't know; there is just something about her that rubs me the wrong way. I really don't mean to be so rude to her, but I just can't handle her constant smiling or her nagging me about being on time for everything."

Dr. Aurelius takes his glasses off and sets them on his legal pad. "Well, in her defense, she's just trying to make the best out of a bad situation. She knows that all of you are here because there is something going on in your life that you need help with, and most of the time that includes some form of depression. She really just wants people to feel like they are wanted here. She has a need to make people feel loved. She cares. She cares that you get better and she knows that keeping your schedule here is important and she wants you to succeed. I know that she gets a little overwhelming sometimes, but always remember that she's doing it because she cares. Okay?"

Peeta rubs the back of his neck, feeling guilty for his earlier outburst. "Yeah, I really do feel bad about what I said to her. I'll apologize again when I leave here."

"That's good, Peeta. She also mentioned that you were interested in working out. Since I have you down for two kitchen duties, I think I can get rid of your evening shift and let you work out during that time. I think this might help you get out some of your frustrations. I myself am an active person; I can understand what sitting around all day can do to someone that is used to more activity. It also releases endorphins, which can only help you feel better. I think it'd be good for you. What do you think?"

Peeta feels at grin tug at his mouth. "You have no idea what a relief that is. Can I start today?"

Dr. Aurelius nods. "Yes." He tears off a piece of paper from a pad on his desk. "Give Effie this note and you can start this evening. I have already spoken to Atala, the trainer in the exercise room. You are not to do any heavy lifting until your arm is healed. We don't want you to pop any of your stitches and make matters worse. You should just probably stick to the treadmill or elliptical."

"That's fine, I understand," Peeta tells him as he takes the note.

-

Peeta is more excited about seeing Delly today than yesterday. He greets her with the same warm hug and smile that he has given her for years. When he sees her, she instantly reminds him of family and love. Just days ago, that feeling would have made him want to crawl into a hole and pray to never get back out, but seeing her today reminds him that he has to keep going. He holds onto their hug a little too long, not ready to stop the feeling it gives him.

Delly grunts from being squeezed a little too hard. "Are you okay, Peeta?" She puts her hands on his shoulders to help break them apart. "Did something happen since I was here yesterday?"

He eventually lets go of her and finds his seat at their table. "No, I just missed you. I'm really glad you're here."

She smiles too and slightly fans her face to try to keep herself from crying. "I missed you, too." She dabs the corner of her eye. "Don't get all sentimental on me now; I'm not wearing waterproof mascara."

He lets out a soft laugh. "Okay, I'll ease up on the sentimental bullshit. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate everything you've done."

"You would have done the same thing." She grabs his arm and gently squeezes. She clears her throat. "Well, I got some information on your girl over there."

"Really? What did you find out?" He asks almost a little too excitedly.

"Calm down, it's not much, but you will be happy to know, that McDreamy over there isn't her boyfriend. But, bad news for me, he has a girlfriend."

"Did you ask him if she is seeing anybody?" Peeta can't even believe he is asking this question; this should be the last thing on his mind.

"He said she's not. But, he also said she doesn't date. I don't know if that was just him being protective or some weird vow of celibacy thing. That's about the most I could get out of him—he's not much of a talker. Just be aware, he realized that I was asking about her for you. There was pretty much no way to ask that without coming off like I was interested in her. And, even if he has a girlfriend now, I'd like for him to think this option is there for him just in case that doesn't work out."

"Thanks for looking out for me," he says flatly.

She looks at him incredulously. "What? Momma needs love, too."

He cringes and shakes his head. "Gross."

Delly's eyes widen, looking over Peeta's shoulder. "Oh, fuc—holy shit. Peeta, she's here."

Before Peeta can even ask who, he feels a pair of petite hands covering his eyes. A soft seductive voice whispers in his ear. "Guess who, lover boy?"

Peeta can feel the chills run down his spine. It's the voice of someone he hasn't talked to in over a month and someone whom he was hoping to never have to talk to again. "Clove, what are you doing here?"

The small, pale brunette takes the open seat next to Peeta at the table. "Well, hello to you, too. Are you not happy to see me? I thought you'd be touched with the fact that I came all the way out here to see someone who hasn't returned my calls in a month. Do you know how worried I was when I found out you were in here?"

Peeta, not even bothering with trying to hide his contempt says, "I figured you would get the hint that I didn't want to talk to you anymore, so no, I never once thought about how worried you would be when you found out I was here. Anyway, last I heard you were fucking Marvel. So, it sounds like you've moved on, too."

"Oh, Peeta, don't try to act like the victim. You are the one that shut me out. It's not my fault about your family; I was just trying to help."

Delly interjects; her dislike of Peeta's ex-girlfriend cannot be masked. "What exactly are you doing here, Clove? I thought you had to be on an approved visitor list to get in here."

Clove turns to Delly and gives her a smug tight-lipped smile. "Oh, hi Delly, I didn't even notice you there. And, don't worry how I got in here. I know someone on staff and they got me in—it's actually how I found out Peeta was even here. Since you couldn't be bothered to let me know."

"I didn't let you know, because it was none of your business," Delly tells her through gritted teeth.

Clove's eyes become large and she acts completely offended. "Yes it is my business! You don't just date someone for two years and just instantly stop caring about them."

Peeta runs his hands through his hair in frustration. "Enough! I'm tired of us having this conversation. Clove, our relationship was over long before we even went to Chicago. Everything that happened during and after the trip was the final nail in the coffin. I honestly don't understand what you are trying to hold on to. I really thought my not answering any of your calls, emails, or messages on Facebook would have been a big enough hint that I want you out of my life."

She tries to hide the tears that are forming at the corners of her eyes. She sniffs her nose and wipes off her cheeks. "Well, I guess I just needed to see you. You look just as pathetic as I thought you would." She grabs her purse and keys of the table, preparing for her dramatic exit. "You know what Peeta? All of this is your fault. You're a selfish asshole, and maybe if you paid attention to anyone other than yourself or," she points at Delly, "your fat cousin, you'd still have me and your family would still be alive." She forcefully pulls her purse strap onto her shoulder. "Go fuck yourself, but be prepared to be disappointed, I know I was." A maniacal smile forms on her lips. "And, for your information, I am fucking Marvel, and he is much better at it than you." She turns on her heel to leave. "I hope you two have fun together." With that, she storms out of the room, leaving Peeta and Delly in shock.

Delly crosses her arms over her chest. "I hate that bitch. What the hell did you see in her?"

Peeta just sits there contemplating what she just said. "She's right."

"Fuck you, I'm not fat."

He lets out an exasperated sigh. "Jesus, not that—the selfish part. She's right, I am selfish. They would still be alive if I had just gotten my head out of my ass and checked up on them. I was too worried about going on that trip—I didn't follow up with Brandon to make sure he knew exactly how to shut off the ovens. I didn't make sure that Ryan didn't take the batteries out of the smoke and carbon monoxide detector for his remote control car. These things were all my responsibilities."

Delly drops her shoulders. "Peeta you cannot blame yourself for the things that Bran and Rye did. Your dad and mom should have checked them, too. They knew better than to just assume they did everything right. They are the parents, not you. You have to accept that this was an accident."

"It's an accident that could have been avoided if I had done what I was supposed to. Delly, how do I live with this?"

She opens her arms to him and he can't control the tears as he cries onto her shoulder. She rubs his back and just lets him cry. It's been building up for so long; it's the first time he's allowed himself to finally let go of all of the pain he's felt for six months.

In between sobs, he lets his hurt and anger out. "They're gone. I miss them so much. I don't know what to do without them."

"Shh, Peeta. That's why you're here. You're getting help to figure that out, and I'll be here for you every step of the way. We will get through this together."

Peeta, feeling ashamed for letting his emotions get the best of him, looks up from Delly's shoulder and his stomach drops. Katniss has been watching the entire time. He quickly pulls back from Delly and wipes his face off. His eyes are puffy from crying and every once in awhile, he still hiccups trying to catch his breath.

Peeta has never been so grateful to see Effie as he is at that moment. "Peeta, say goodbye to Delly, visitation time is over."

Peeta, not even able to look Delly in the eye, gives her a quick kiss on the cheek and rushes out of the room.

He runs to the closest restroom, not even waiting for Effie. He locks the door and turns on the faucet. He splashes his face with water and tries his best to collect himself. He hears her knock on the door. "Peeta, are you okay? Do you need any help?

He wipes off his face and opens the door. "Thanks, I'm fine. I just needed to calm down for a minute."

She nods with a sympathetic look on her face. "I don't know if you want it, but I brought your sketch pad and pencils with me. Also, Delly said that she didn't get a chance to give these to you earlier." She hands him a small bag. "It's your iPod, some novels, and one of your father's recipe books. I told her yesterday that you were going to help out in the kitchen, and she thought you might want it."

Peeta is genuinely touched by hers and Delly's generosity. He takes the supplies in his hands. "Thank you, I really appreciate it. And, I just wanted to apologize again for what I said to you this morning. I know you are just trying to help. I've just been upset lately and I didn't mean to take it out on you."

Effie smiles at him. "Oh, sweetie, if I got upset every time a patient yelled at me, I'd never be able to get anything done. It's part of the territory, but thank you for saying that."

He smiles sheepishly at her. "Well, I guess it's time for the common area, right?"

She beams. "Very good, you've been checking your schedule."

When he walks into the common area, he sees Katniss sitting in her same spot, the same way she always is. He has quickly realized she is even more a creature of habit than him. He's comforted by her constant presence. He takes a deep breath and decides to try and save face for the scene he caused earlier with Delly and Clove.

He sits down on the opposite end of the same couch Katniss is on and flips through the pages of his sketch pad. He glances out the corner of his eye to see if she's paying attention to him. Much to his excitement, she is. The end of his mouth curls into a smile. "You know, you spelled my name wrong on the note you gave me earlier."

She whips her head towards him. "What are you talking about? Your name is Pita, right? Like the bread?"

He chuckles; this isn't the first time this mistake has been made. "It sounds like that, but  
it's P-e-e-t-a. It actually was a mistake on my birth certificate. My name was supposed to be Peter, but my dad is from Maine, and when he told the nurse Peter, is sounded like Peetah. She didn't question it and just put it on there. My parents thought it was cute because my dad is a baker, so they kept it. They liked it so much they kept the trend going with my brothers. Brandon the oldest gets called Bran and my youngest brother is Ryan, but we call him Rye." Peeta takes a deep breath, realizing he has spoken of his entire family in the present tense and his heart breaks when he goes to correct himself. "I meant to say we called him Rye, my dad was a baker, and my brother was Bran. They are all gone—so is my mother."

He looks over at Katniss and he feels everything in his body just sink. She stares at him with pain in her eyes. She speaks to him in a soft, barely audible voice, "I'm so sorry. I don't really have a family any more, either. It's really hard."

He nods.

She strains her neck a little to look at his sketch book. "What are you drawing?"

A small smile pulls on his lips. "No way; I'm not telling you. It was like pulling teeth to find out what your notebook was about, you can't just ask me about my sketchbook and expect me to just tell you."

She glares at him and presses her lips tightly together.

He laughs lightly, "Plus, I remember something about you owing me one."

"What do you want?"

Peeta's first thought is a kiss, but of course he refrains. "Tell me who the guy is that comes to see you every day."

"He's a friend. What's in your sketchbook?"

"Drawings."

She rolls her eyes. "Obviously. I want to see what you draw."

He closes up his sketchbook, instantly loving the game of back and forth they have going. There is just something about her that gets his heart racing in a good way, and he loves seeing the little spark of fire in her eyes when she starts to get worked up. "Is he just a friend, or was he a boyfriend?"

"He's my best friend. He's not, nor ever has been, my boyfriend. Why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend?"

"First of all, she's my ex-girlfriend, and second, you never asked. Plus, that would have been really weird if I just randomly spouted out that I didn't have a girlfriend or that my ex was kind of a psycho. Why? Do you care if I have a girlfriend?"

Her eyes widen. "Um...you asked first, I was just..." She shifts onto the couch turning away from him and looks down at her notebook.

He realizes he needs to back off. "I'm sorry if that was forward. I was just joking with you. I don't expect anything from you." He opens up his sketchbook to the picture of her and Rue. He hands it to her as a peace offering. "Here, this is what I draw."

She turns back around in his direction and takes the pad from him. "Is that Rue and me?" Her grey eyes look stormy when they start to glass over. "This is beautiful, Peeta."

He gets a little surge of confidence. "Flip to the page before it."

She gasps and runs her finger over parts of the tree. "It's me in the big magnolia tree outside. Why did you draw this?"

"You're the only beautiful thing for me to draw here."

She brings her eyes up to his and stares into pools of pale blue. He can see her cheeks flush as the words he just said sink in.

"Why are you saying these things to me and showing me this?" she asks, her voice so quiet.

He decides to let it all out. "Honestly, I don't know. I've never been this forward with a girl, and I've never been so enamored with anyone upon first meeting them. You have some kind of effect on me that I can't explain."

She swallows nervously and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear; she can no longer  
make eye contact with him. "I have to go." She hands him back the sketchpad and  
gets off the couch. "Thank you for showing me those. You're very talented."

After speaking, she walks out of the common area and Peeta is afraid he just  
made a huge mistake.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Luckily, Peeta did not make a huge mistake.

The next few weeks fall into a comfortable pattern for him. He starts everyday with helping Sae in the kitchen. He and Dr. Aurelius decided that as part of his therapy and working through the memories of his family and being in the kitchen, he would make something different from his father's recipe book every day. He and Sae have made everything from cranberry orange scones to rosemary focaccia bread.

Because of this, he has become fairly popular with the other patients. People are extremely appreciative of what he is doing and he is constantly being surprised by everyone's gratitude. He has even gotten support from some of the most unlikely of places. One day Cato surprised Peeta with a friendly, but extremely heavy-handed, slap on the back while he shoved a second petit four in his mouth. On a different lunch break, the quiet girl that has sores all over her arms from her hurting herself, named Glimmer, smiled and gave him the lightest of hugs when he made tea cakes. Most days he feels overwhelmed with the extra attention. He would prefer to just stay back in the kitchen the entire breakfast shift, but he happily forces himself out from behind the food line once every morning to deliver a piece or slice of whatever he made that day to Katniss.

It's always a silent exchange. He will hand her a plate of some small, delicious treat and she returns a smile to him. His mood is instantly lifted every morning and it's the first thing he looks forward to; no matter how bad the dreams were the night before, no matter how little sleep he got, and not even if Effie gives him the stink eye for being late to something. After their quiet moment, he will always nod his head and turn back towards the kitchen. He would be absolutely mortified if she knew how much he looked forward to that small interaction with her, but he always does his best to hide the glee he feels as he walks away from her.

As he walks back to the kitchen, he usually just runs through the same thoughts in his mind: "What are you doing? She is in here to try and get better and you're trying to flirt with her? You don't even know what she is in here for. You have too many of your own problems to try and start something new with someone, especially someone going through their own issues. And what kind of sucker are you becoming that you actually call what you feel 'glee' after seeing her?" But, each time he pushes those thoughts away and relishes the moments spent with her throughout the day.

Over the course of the last few weeks, winter has begun to rescind and the first blooms of spring have started to appear. Spring usually comes a little early in the south, and on one particularly warm day, Katniss picked a dandelion and handed it to him. She said it reminded her of him, but he has learned to not push for information and simply enjoyed the remainder of their time together outside that day and appreciated the gift she gave him in comfortable silence. He pressed it in a book the second he got back to his room that morning.

He learns more and more about her each day. He has noticed that she's more animated when she is outside in the courtyard around the trees than when they are stuck in the common area inside. He now knows that her favorite color is green, like the woods in spring, and that when she was younger, she was in several archery competitions and was actually on track to go to the Olympics. She never mentions what stopped her ambitions or why she suddenly gave up the sport she loved so much.

He has grown to love the spark in her eye when she becomes passionate or argumentative over something. One afternoon they had a particularly heated conversation over their favorite bands. She would not back down from the battle defending her position that The Decemberists were a far better band than The Lumineers. Peeta never really thought about comparing the two before, and being the more passive person he naturally was, didn't think one had to be better than the other. But, yearning to see her fire come out over a relatively safe subject, decided to get her going and defend his band's honor. After she made her case and fought tooth and nail in her defense, she came out to be the victor in her own mind. He pretended to pout and when he could see she thought she had hurt his feelings, she conceded and said it didn't matter anyway, because she preferred Mumford & Sons over any of them.

Some days their conversations became more personal, one afternoon he embarrassingly admitted the first time he slept with a girl he was 16 years old. She surprised him and said she was 15 when she lost her virginity. They both sat in awkward silence until Buttercup jumped onto Peeta's lap from out of nowhere, forcing him to fall back on his elbows and causing Katniss to laugh hysterically when he yelped again. After ignoring his bruised ego, he quickly joined in her melodic laughter. If he could, he would have chosen to live in that moment forever.

Today was the first day Katniss waited for Peeta by the door that leads to the courtyard before going outside. He could feel his heart skip a beat when he saw her diminutive figure leaning against the door frame. "I was wondering if you would ever get here," she says with a smirk.

He doesn't want to appear too over-excited, but his large smile betrays him. "I just wanted to get my sketchpad. Delly brought some pastels for me yesterday, and I want to use them now that the flowers are starting to bloom."

She nods her head sharply. "Well Picaso, let's get you outside then." She opens the door and motions for him to walk out, then follows behind.

She glides silently to their tree. Peeta mulls over the idea that it is theirtree and let's himself collapse against its rough bark. It's the first day that is warm enough to just wear a long sleeve shirt outside, and the tree bark rubs his skin a little rougher than expected. He lets out a grunt when his bottom hits one of the larger roots.

He sets out all of his supplies and begins to draw the small garden over to the side of the yard. Katniss is already writing in her journal, but speaks up, slightly startling Peeta out of his daze. He is slowly becoming accustomed to how Katniss communicates. First of all, she is an excellent listener. She is patient and interjects at the right times. But, when it comes to speaking herself, she will randomly blurt things out. He's learned to watch for the signs. He can see the thoughts bubble inside of her until she just can't take whatever she is wrestling with internally anymore. He could tell by her agitation during their group session this morning that one of her outbursts was eventually going to happen today.

"Gale is leaving for bootcamp tomorrow."

He places the dark green oil pastel back into the box and sets his sketchpad to the side. He turns his body to face her and calmly asks, "Are you going to be okay?"

She doesn't make eye contact; she just shrugs her shoulder and pulls at the grass that pokes out between the magnolia's above ground roots. "I won't have visitation time anymore when he stops being able to come see me."

"Do you want to come sit with Delly and me?"

She shakes her head. "I don't want to impose. I can just watch television or something." Even though she and Peeta both know that she hates watching TV.

"It's not imposing if I asked."

"No, it's okay, really. I'm just really going to miss him. He's my best friend and he was..."

"He was what?"

"Nothing. I'm just not looking forward to tomorrow. It's Rue's last day, too. Her brother is getting released from the hospital. They thought he would be released last month, but he got an infection and had to stay until it cleared."

He takes her hand and squeezes. She whips her head around to look him in the eyes. It's the most physical contact they have had since she cried on his shoulder the first day they met.

He looks at her reassuringly. "It'll be okay. I'll be here if you need to talk to anyone. And the invitation always stands if you'd like to sit with me and Delly when she comes and visits. I can empathize with how you feel. Delly is all I have left and I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't around."

She squeezes his hand back before gently pulling away from him. "I'll be fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I told you I wouldn't bother you with my problems anymore."

He looks slightly hurt by her not taking his offer. "Remember how you told me you owed me one?"

She nods.

"Well, you talking to me about what is bothering you can be it. I want to help. It kind of helps me, too."

She replies curtly."I'll be fine. I can owe you something else." With that she stands up, dusts herself off, and walks away from him. He doesn't understand what he did wrong as he watches the door close behind her.

The next morning he arrives to the group therapy session a little early. Katniss didn't show up for breakfast and he was already getting concerned about how she was going to handle the day. His fear increases when he looks around and sees she hasn't shown up there either.

He takes the open seat next to Finnick. "Hey, have you seen Katniss today?"

"No, I haven't. But check this out." Finnick pulls a grainy black and white picture out of his pocket. He looks at Peeta with his sea green eyes sparkling. "It's my boy. Annie's at 24 weeks; she had her check up yesterday. Doctor said everything was looking good."

Peeta can't help but smile at his friend. No matter how nervous he is about Katniss, this is truly a happy moment and he doesn't want to ruin Finnick's mood. "Congrats, man. That's wonderful. I really am happy for you. Have you two thought of any names?"

"Yeah! We're naming him Seamus, after Annie's dad."

Dr. Flickerman sits down in his usual spot and gets everyone's attention on him. "Alright, everyone, let's get started."

Peeta looks around the room and his anxiety is getting the best of him. He can't control the shaking in his right leg. He tries not to think of Katniss, but her absence has left a considerable void and he is starting to panic slightly without her being there. He thinks to himself that it can't be a good sign that he has become so attached to her and this routine and that the first time it's interrupted, he starts to worry. This can't be what they had in mind when deciding to put him on a regimen like this.

He finally lets his eyes fall on Rue. He can see that she is practically bouncing out of her seat. She looks like a baby bird eagerly trying to take flight. Her excitement is palpable and if he weren't so upset, he is sure that her mood would have rubbed off on him.

Dr. Flickerman also notices her excitement, and turns the group's attention to her. She has been quiet ever since Peeta got there. He can't remember a single time when she was asked to speak in front of the group. But, today, she couldn't keep to herself if she tried. "Miss Rue, could you please tell the group why you are in such a good mood today? I'm sure everyone would like a little happy news for a change." He smiles encouragingly at the little girl.

Her voice is small but chipper. "My brother is coming to get me today! He's better now and he is coming with my Auntie Seeder and Uncle Chaff to pick me up and take me with them to Atlanta!"

"That's wonderful, Rue. I'm glad that you." Flickerman is cut off by the door opening. And before anyone has a chance to even look to see who is walking through the door, Rue is screeching in her loudest voice.

"Thresh!" She jumps out of her seat and runs towards a large black man that is trying his best to balance on crutches as she Jumps into hos arms. She curls her small body into his and he shifts all of his weight onto the leg without a cast. He places his crutches firmly under his arms and holds onto the little girl with all of his might.

His deep voice resonates through the room. "Hey, baby girl. I missed you so much. You doin' okay?"

She looks up at him and nods furiously; her large chocolate brown eyes are wet with tears. "I missed you so much! I love you!" She buries her head into his neck.

"I love you, too, baby girl." He sniffles back his own tears and looks up at the group. "I'm sorry I'm interrupting your group session. When I got released from next door, I just couldn't wait any longer to come get her."

Flickerman takes a tissue out of the box he keeps next to him for patients and hands them to Thresh. "You are more than welcome to join us if you'd like. I know you are little older than the patients in here, but we would be more than happy to have you."

Thresh just shakes his head. "If you don't mind, I'd really just like to get her out of here." He sets her down gently and looks around the room. "Are any of you in here named Katniss?"

Peeta quickly turns his head towards him at the sound of Katniss's name.

"I'm sorry Thresh, but Katniss isn't feeling well today. She wasn't able to make it to group this morning," Dr. Flickerman replies.

Thresh just nods and takes Rue's hand. "Well, if any of you see her, please tell her thank you for watching over Rue for me while I was in the hospital. I really appreciate it." He turns his attention back to Rue. "Come on baby, Seeder and Chaff are waiting for us. Let's go get your stuff."

Rue waves goodbye to everyone. When the door closes behind them, the room feels a little darker and a little sadder. Even though she was quiet, she was always the bright spot in any room she was in. Her little presence was so positive, Peeta instantly feels himself missing it. He becomes frustrated with himself when he realizes that he has become dependent on other people for his happiness.

The rest of his day passes by in a blur. If anyone were to ask him what happened or what he did, he wouldn't be able to answer them. Katniss did not show up to any of her scheduled activities; she wasn't outside after the group meeting, she wasn't in the cafeteria for lunch, she didn't go to visitation, and she never came into the common area that evening. Everything about his day was off because of it. He tried to draw the same flower three times outside with no avail. He couldn't focus on whatever television show was playing in the common area. Dr. Aurelius questioned his sudden withdrawal, but Peeta just lied and said that he had a bad dream the night before about his family and it was hard for him to focus on anything. Delly didn't buy that same excuse during their visit that afternoon. She knew exactly what was happening the second she looked around and didn't see Katniss. She just quietly commiserated with him over the absence of his friend.

He thought he would be happy when it was time for lights out, wishing to just get this miserable day behind him. He hoped that tomorrow would be better and maybe that Katniss would be able to get back to their comfortable routine that they had created. Unfortunately, it was a restless evening for him. There was no turning off his mind and he was grateful that he had one of the few single rooms. He was sure his constant tossing and turning would have woken up a roommate if he had one.

After an hour and a half of just laying there unable to find sleep, he finally brakes down and presses the button next to his bed. He says a silent prayer in hopes that it won't be Effie to come to his aid.

A few minutes later, Portia gently knocks on the door while she opens it. He internally thanks whatever deity granted his request and whispers to her, "Hey, Portia."

She smiles and enters the room all the way, turning on the low light by the bathroom. "Hi, Peeta, what seems to be the problem? Are you not able to sleep?"

He scoots up the bed and into an upright position. "No, I've had kind of a rough day and I'm having trouble turning my mind off."

She nods thoughtfully. "Would you like me to get something for you? I can check your chart and see if you are approved to have a Xanax or Ativan to help with your anxiety."

He shakes his head no; he avoids taking any extra medication if he doesn't have to. He's already having a hard time dealing with some of the more unpleasant side effects that come with antidepressants. "No, would it be possible for me just to walk around for a minute? I just feel too wound up."

She looks at her watch and cautiously peeks her head out the door. She turns back to him. "Yeah, there aren't any nurses here that would report you for not being in your room after lights out and the adults in the common area are some of our less critical patients. There's no harm in letting you get out of here for a minute. But, you can't stay out here too long; you need to get your rest."

He breathes a sigh of relief as he rolls on the stocking for his prosthesis and attaches his leg. He slips on the slippers Delly brought for him a few weeks ago and quietly exits the room with Portia.

Before they enter the common area, they hear the loud voice of a man that is obviously angry over someone changing the channel.

"Goddammit, Beetee. Would it have been too difficult to let me watch the end of the fucking Knicks game?"

An older man in a wheelchair with glasses falling off the end of his nose replies, "Haymitch, I told you at 10:30 there was a special on the Discovery channel I wanted to watch. It's not my fault the game went into overtime. A deal is a deal."

"The Knicks are up by 3 with two minutes left! Come on!"

"Haymitch!" Portia protests. "Calm down. I need you on your best behavior—we have company."

The old man with stringy dark hair, red nose, and yellowed complexion turns to him. "Who let the kid in here?"

Portia straightens her back. "I did. He's having trouble sleeping and I told him he could hang out here and watch a little TV before going back to bed."

Peeta shrinks; he hasn't felt so much like a child in years.

Haymitch snorts, "Well, he came at the right time." He points to Beetee, "This asshole is putting on some kind of documentary. He'll be out in no time."

Beetee rolls his eyes at the accusation and turns his attention to a program on how they make microchips and number two pencils.

"Are you kidding me? We aren't watching the Knicks game so we can learn how to make a pencil?" Haymitch sighs loudly, trying to perturb Beetee. "Dammit, what I wouldn't give for a shot of Jack right now." He turns to Peeta. "So what brings you in here, kid?"

Peeta stutters slightly, not expecting the man to turn his attention to him. "I uh...my family all died in an accident. I've had a hard time dealing with it so I came here."

"I'm sure you just signed right up for it, huh?"

"Not exactly. My cousin had me admitted here. It's for the best though, I think it's helping."

"Sure, kid."

"Well, what are you here for?"

"You're not very observant, are you boy? I'm a drunk. It's probably my fifth time here. I think my next round of rehab is free." He squints his eyes at Peeta, like he's trying to place him. "Are you the bakery kid that's been making all the pastries around here lately?"

Peeta nods slowly, a small tight smile forming on his lips.

"It's been nice having that stuff here. It's definitely made for my best stint here, so far."

With a confused look on his face, Peeta replies, "So far, you plan on coming back again? Fifth time isn't the charm?"

Before Haymitch can respond, there is a loud scream down the hall. Peeta jumps to his feet in a panic. "What was that?"

"Don't worry about it, kid. It's just that girl," he pauses for a moment to try and think of her name, "Katniss. She has these night terrors almost every night. Just ignore them; she'll stop in just a minute."

Peeta's eyes grow large in disbelief. "The nurses just let her scream and stay asleep with these things?"

Haymitch shrugs. "What else are they supposed to do?"

Peeta turns his head to her hallway as soon as he hears the next cry. He runs to her room as fast as he can and swings open the door to find a sweaty, sleeping Katniss thrashing around in her bed. He rushes towards her and takes her shoulders in his hands and shakes her hard enough to wake her.

Eventually, she comes to, sobbing and unable to speak at first. Peeta stares into her panicked grey eyes darting around and not able to focus on anything in particular. They are the color of gunmetal, darkened with fright. "Katniss, it was just a dream. Everything is okay. You're safe here."

After her eyes come into focus, she wraps her arms around him and cries desperately into his neck. "Peeta, please don't go! Please stay with me. I can't have you leave, not now. I need someone here with me. I'm too scared."

He's never heard her voice so raw and vulnerable. He looks up to see Portia and Cinna standing in the doorway. Cinna takes a deep breath and puts his finger to his lips letting Peeta know they will be quite about what is happening. Portia mouths the words barely whispering, "We will get you in the morning before Effie comes in."

Peeta nods in understanding, slides off his slippers and lies down in bed with her. Katniss instinctively presses her body into his and almost immediately falls back asleep. He slowly starts to relax and pulls her warm soft body closer to his. His body goes lax and he can feel himself drift off to sleep with this confusing, beautiful, and tormented girl in his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Peeta sighs blissfully when he feels someone softly nudging his shoulder. His sighs quickly turn to soft grunts when the nudging becomes more persistent. He lazily smacks his lips, still heavy with sleep. "What's going on?" he yawns.

"Peeta, I'm sorry to wake you up—you looked so peaceful—but Effie is going to be here in 30 minutes. I need you to go back to your room and look like you've been there all night."

He opens his eyes more and eventually they focus on the soft thin arm draped over his chest. His own hand covers hers over his heart. He finally realizes he woke up in Katniss's embrace and basks in the moment, not ready to give it up. He turns his head and is looking directly into Portia's pleading golden brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, Peeta. We kept you in here as long as we could, but you have to go."

Katniss begins to stir; she nuzzles her face into Peeta's chest to wipe her eyes. Then her body becomes rigid, and she slowly lifts her head until her eyes are the only thing poking up at Peeta over his arm. He looks down at her and gives her a warm smile. "Hey."

She shoots straight up in the bed. "What's going on? That wasn't a dream. You're in my bed?" Her eyes are large with astonishment and her chest is heaving with her heavy frightened breaths.

Peeta's worried he did something wrong and reaches for her hands and takes them both into his. "Katniss, you asked me to stay with you last night when you woke up from your dream. It's okay. Portia and Cinna know about it. I just have to go back to my room now before Effie comes into work today."

She squeezes his hand and looks over at Portia for confirmation.

Portia nods. "You wouldn't let us take him away from you last night. We hope it's okay with you that we allowed him to stay. You seemed so adamant about it."

Katniss's face softens; Peeta has never seen this look on her before. "You stayed for me?"

His cheeks become warm as he lets out a breathy laugh. "It would have been pretty hard to keep me away."

She gives him a crooked smile. "Thank you." She looks up at the clock. "What time does Effie come in?"

"She is scheduled for 6:30 but she always arrives 15 minutes early.," Peeta tells her.

Portia responds, "Peeta, you need to get going, we only have a few minutes."

He bows his head and takes a deep breath. "Alright." He swings his legs around, wincing in pain. His leg is sore and stiff from being left in the prosthesis last night. He turns his head around to see Katniss watching him and grabs his hand.

"Thank you."

He smiles sweetly at her and holds onto her hand for as long as he can while he goes to walk out of the room. "Come to breakfast; I'll see you there." He sees her nod as he walks out the room and the door shuts behind him.

He quickly makes his way to his room, limping the entire time. He removes his prosthesis as fast as he can and settles back into his own bed. His mind is reeling with the fact that he just left Katniss's room. He knows that he should be tired, going to bed so late and waking up so early, but he is so well rested that he is ready to start his day. He closes his eyes and patiently waits for Effie to come in to get him for his morning kitchen duty.

He can't stop thinking about Katniss's slight form pressed up against him or the way her small cool hand fit perfectly into his. The corners of his mouth curl into a smile while he thinks of her large grey eyes peeking out first thing at him this morning. All of it is so fresh in his mind and he craves having that feeling again. He can no longer deny that he has fallen for this girl.

Right on schedule, Effie's shrill voice breaks his concentration. "Good morning, Peeta. It's time to get up to go help Sae."

Peeta sits up in the bed and pretends to be sleepy while he stretches. He's never been a good actor, but he sighs in relief when Effie leaves the room—not suspecting anything is wrong.

He and Sae decide to make two things that day. He had made extra phyllo dough the day before and decides to make cherry turnovers for that day. He walks Sae through them in exchange for the recipe so he can focus on making cheese buns again. Earlier that week, Katniss had confessed that was her favorite thing that they had made and he had been looking for an excuse to make them ever since.

Peeta stands at the oven waiting and watching for the first batch of cheese buns to get ready for the day. The second the timer goes off he grabs his oven mitt and takes out the tray of hot buns. Much like he does every morning, he scans the tray for the perfect product. Once he finds it, he places it on a plate and pushes out the double door to the cafeteria.

Much to his relief, he sees Katniss sitting at her corner table. She has her pen pressed up against her lip and she is staring at a blank page. Peeta walks up to her and he is surprised that she either doesn't notice him or doesn't hear him. He's learned from her that he is a little bit of a loud walker, due to his prosthetic. She laughed and told him that she could never take him hunting because of it; he was secretly excited by the thought of them ever doing anything together outside of the hospital.

He clears his throat and she jumps slightly at the noise. She looks up at him and her face glows from her flushed cheeks. He gives her his crooked smile that exposes the dimple in his right cheek. "Here you go; we also have turnovers, but I made these for you."

Her eyes grow large and he can see the spark in them. He readies himself to walk back to the kitchen, but she grabs onto his arm.

"You remembered that I like them."

He nods. "Of course; I remember everything you tell me."

She looks at him for a moment and opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. She drops her head and picks back up her pen.

He sighs loudly and asks, "Um, Katniss?"

She doesn't look back up at him before responding, "Hmm?"

He awkwardly shifts his weight back and forth on his legs and places his hands into the pockets of his dark khaki pants. "I, uh, just wanted to say that I, uh." He becomes frustrated and wills himself just to spit out what he wants to say, "I really enjoyed last night. Not you having the nightmare, but me being in there with you. Maybe that 'enjoy' is the wrong word—but I just wanted you to know that I slept really well last night. Better than I ever have, and I think that it was because of you. If you ever need me to do that again, please know that I'd be more than happy to. If Portia and Cinna let us, that is." He runs his hand through his hair, upset that he is rambling.

She cuts him off before he has the chance to embarrass himself anymore and replies without looking back up at him. Her voice is soft when she  
answers, "I'd really like that, Peeta."

"You would?"

"Yes." She looks into his gentle blue eyes this time. "I would. I slept better,as well."

"Okay, good. I can talk to Portia about it, if you'd like."

She smiles while nodding. "That'd be a good start."

"Alright, I'll let you know what she says after I talk to her." He waves goodbye to her and walks back to the kitchen to finish his work for the  
morning.

Peeta speaks with Portia that evening when he saw her again; he explains the situation to her. She hesitates and calls Cinna over to discuss it. He checks the schedule, and they work it out so that Peeta can be there with her. He is very happy to find out that Effie was going on vacation starting this weekend and the first week, they will be able to stay with each other every night because she won't check on him.

As the week continues, they sleep with each other every night. At first, he was self conscious about his leg and kept on his prosthetic for the first two nights he slept with her. But when she noticed that it caused him discomfort, she insisted he sleep without it. He hesitated and told her that he would be okay with it, but instead of listening to him, she pushed him back onto the bed and had him teach her how to remove it. Feeling her small deft fingers unlock the mechanisms on it and roll down the stocking sent chills (the good kind) down his back. He took a deep breath and let it out in short bursts at each movement she made. Other than doctors or his father, no one else had ever done that for him before.

They would lie awake at night talking to each other. Most of the time she would lay with her head on his chest with her arm draped over him. By morning, they had moved to where Katniss was curled against him; her back flush against his chest and stomach. There was only one side effect from his anti-depressants that he was thankful for; because of them, he never woke up with an embarrassing situation. It didn't mean that he was completely unresponsive to anything sexual, but he was able to wait until he was alone in his morning showers to allow himself to relish in the memory of her being so close each night.

On the night before Effie's return, they fall asleep earlier than usual. Peeta can tell that Katniss has something on her mind, but she isn't as talkative as usual and he lets it go. It isn't until several hours after they fall asleep that she is ready to speak.

"We were going to raise her as my sister," she whispers in a calm, clear voice.

Peeta is startled awake. He's disoriented at first, but once he's able to see the outline of Katniss's face from the light shining under the door, he is able to quickly realize where he is and what she just said.

He slowly drags out the words, barely awake, "Who were you going to raise as your sister?"

"Prim. My mother and I decided we were going to raise her as my sister since I was so young when I had her."

Peeta, now fully awake after this news, rubs his eyes. "You have a daughter?"

Her nod is so slight that the only way Peeta can tell she moved her head is by the rustling of the pillow's fabric. "I had her when I was 15."

He slides up in the bed, taking her with him. He leans over to the nightstand and turns on the small lamp. "Is that why you're here?"

She bites her lip before responding, "She died five months ago."

Peeta takes her hand. "Katniss, I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through."

With her free hand, she wipes away her tears. "My mother was furious with me when she found out I was pregnant. After my father passed away, she was inattentive. I barely had any interaction with her, and I spent every moment I could with Gale. He's two years older than me, and like teenagers do, we experimented. We didn't know everything, and it just happened. I've only had sex once in my life, and this, all of this pain, was the result."

"Gale was her father?"

"Yes. He is still my friend, but that's why he came here every day—it's the reason he's in boot camp. He came here to mourn with me, but he told me he needs to get on with his life. He thinks the time away from each other will help us heal. To me, he just feels like another person that has left me now." She brings her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them.

"Where is your mother?"

Katniss sighs. "Who knows? She never wanted me to have Prim, but I couldn't force myself to give her up. Once I had her though, my mother fell in love with her—everyone did. And even though Gale and I both have dark hair and darker skin, she came out blonde and fair skinned, just like my mother. She was the daughter she always wished she had, and that's how we decided we were going to raise her as my sister. But, I never forgot she was mine, and I loved and cared for her like she was my own, because she was."

He holds out his arms to her and she falls into them, allowing herself to feel safe and warm in his embrace. He picks up her legs and brings them to where she is completely in his lap. He quietly strokes her hair and waits for her to speak again.

"Peeta, I didn't want to become attached to you, but I have. Please don't go. Stay with me."

He squeezes her tightly, and replies with the only word to him that matters, "Always."

Eventually, they slide back down on the bed together and fall back asleep. He tries to think of something, anything, that could possibly bring her a little peace while she is here.

That morning, he is rushed out of the room again by Portia. Effie is returning today, and he has mentally prepared himself for a long night  
without Katniss.

Later, while he is kneading dough t in the kitchen, the idea for her comes to him. He calls Delly in between his group therapy session and his outside time with Katniss to bring the supplies he needs when she comes to visit that day.

He can hear her frustration over the telephone line. "Peeta, you know, I do have classes and can't just drop everything to impress your psych-ward girlfriend."

"Delly, I know I already owe you so much, but this is really important. And she isn't my psych-ward girlfriend, but she is very special, and I really do think something important has happened between us. This isn't just some crush," he replies slightly agitated.

She sighs audibly. "Fine, I only have Psychology 101 today anyways, I'm pretty sure going to the art supply store and dropping everything off to my crazy cousin in the loony bin counts as a field trip or something. Just remember, I'm pretty much the best wingman ever."

Peeta chuckles. "Thank you. You're the best."

"I really am."

He hangs up the phone and joins Katniss outside, trying his best to keep his surprise from her.

During his time with Dr. Aurelius that afternoon, he asks for permission to execute his plan for Katniss right before his appointment is over for the day.

"So, Dr. Aurelius, I have a huge favor to ask."

He looks at Peeta with a concerned look on his face. "I can't promise I will say yes, but I'm listening."

"I know before you stated that the decor here leaves something to be desired."

He nods. "Yes, I've often thought that; what are you getting at?"

"Well, I was wondering, since I spend so much time looking there, if it would be okay for me to paint the cafeteria? There is mural I'd like to paint, and I'd be willing to supply all of the materials needed to complete the project."

Dr. Aurelius thinks for a moment, making Peeta nervous and dreading the idea of him saying no.

"If you did this, you would not be able to shut down the cafeteria. You'd have to do it during the evening," he finally replies.

Peeta, trying not to get his hopes up, quickly responds, "I could do it all in one night with the help of another patient. Would it be okay if Finnick joined me?"

Dr. Aurelius taps his pencil against his legal pad while considering the offer before him. "It would be nice to update the scenery around here, and since you are willing to provide the materials, I think this could be very good for you."

"So you'll let me do it?"

"Yes, I don't see why not. When would you like to do this?"

"Tonight, I already called Delly to bring everything in."

"That was a little presumptuous, but I think sooner is better. You may start this evening after the last kitchen shift and you must be done by your kitchen shift in the morning. If you need extra rest tomorrow to complete this, you have my approval to miss your group therapy session, as does Finnick if he agrees to do this with you."

Peeta jumps out of his seat in excitement and races to the door. "Thank you, sir. You won't regret it."

He walks quickly to find Finnick. He is in the visitation room sitting at a table with a stunning woman with long dark wavy hair and piercing green eyes. When Peeta finally gets closer to his table he sees that she is several months pregnant.

"Finnick, I'm really sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if I could ask you a favor."

Finnick stands up to greet his friend. "You're not interrupting. But before you ask, I want to introduce you to my Annie."

The pretty woman stands up, and speaks to him in a dreamy, ethereal voice. "Hello, you must be Peeta; I've heard so many nice things  
about you."

Peeta smiles and tilts his head to the side, just taking this woman in. "Thank you so much. Finnick talks about you all of the time; it's so nice to  
finally meet you."

She smiles, and Peeta finally understands what people mean when they say a pregnant woman is glowing. "Well boys, my time is up here. Plus, little Seamus here has been keeping me up at night, I'd like to get home and take a nap."

Finnick turns his attention back to Annie. "I'll call you tonight before you go to sleep. I love you, and I'm already looking forward to seeing you  
tomorrow." He gives her a gentle kiss and kneels down in front of her and speaks directly to her protruding belly, "I love you too, buddy." He gives her stomach a quick kiss and stands back up.

The two boys watch her go and Finnick turns to Peeta. "So what were you going to ask me?" he inquires.

Peeta tells him his idea for the mural, and asks Finnick for his help. Finnick readily agrees and they plan to meet that evening at 8:00 PM in the  
cafeteria.

After the evening kitchen workers have left, Peeta and Finnick clear out the cafeteria. They scoot all of the tables and chairs away from the walls and put down drop cloths. They make quick work of priming the walls and wood paneling. Finnick is in charge of painting the backgrounds on the wall and while Peeta is painting in the details on the upper half of the wall, he is responsible for painting the wood paneling a dark forest green.

They work tirelessly through the night. Both working between comfortable silence, joking, and confessions about the girls they both care about. Neither reveal anything personal, but mostly just talk about the things that make them love them.

While Peeta is painting a startling revelation appears to him: he is in love with her. He has never cared about a girl before the way he cares about her. His heart swells at the possibility and the time spent laboring over this is spent in pure joy at what the future may hold now that he is in love.

By the time Peeta has finished up the last part of his design, he only has ten minutes before he is supposed to help out in the kitchen. He and Finnick work as quickly as possible to clear away the supplies and move the tables and chairs back to their original locations.

As they scoot the last table back into its spot, he catches Katniss walking into the cafeteria out of the corner of his eye.

She stops dead in her tracks, taking in the site before her. Through the night, the boys have transformed it from the drab, depressing lunchroom, into a forest that changes with the seasons. The top portion of each wall has been changed into a different stage of the year. It starts at the doorway. The wall closest to where Katniss is standing is bright with spring, as she looks around the room, it seamlessly transforms into summer, fall, and winter. Peeta is standing by the wall that is bright with the warm oranges of autumn, nervously staring at her, waiting for her reaction.

What happens next, he would have never expected.

Katniss drops her notebook to the floor and locks eyes with him as she glides across the cafeteria. She stops right in front of him and stares directly into his clear blue eyes. "You did this for me, didn't you?"

He looks at her, with a worried expression on his face, and just quickly nods.

"That's what I thought." With that, she takes his face in both of her hands, brings it down to her level, and kisses him.


End file.
